Husband Clothes

It’s hard to find a husband. Or at least to find the right husband. I remember dating. I liked it (okay, loved it), except when I was on a date with a mean guy, charmer type, user, cheapskate, compulsive liar, drug addict, superficial bragger, or another loser…Finding the perfect partner seemed impossible, and at some point, I remember thinking it was never going to happen. If I’d known how great Matchmaker.com is for helping ladies find a good man to marry, I would have happily signed up! (I say that because this site is for marriage-minded people like I was, not players just looking for the next fun date.)

It’s so funny looking back. I remember wondering a thousand times “Am I choosing the right person?” I wondered what I’d do if he changed. Changed into what? I don’t know. He was so nice—I just remember thinking “maybe he’s really an alcoholic or psycho, and it’ll all come out after we’re married.” Or, wouldn’t it hurt if he were to be really nice for many years, and then suddenly cheat on me and leave me for another woman?

Of course, when you find your partner, you take a leap of faith. So many times I tried to figure out how to verify that I was making the right decision. But it was fruitless. Only time would tell. And I guess, still now, 10 years later, the same rule stands. However, these are the things I saw in my husband then, and these are the things I still love him for now:

• Strong
• Kindness
• Steadfastness
• Dependability
• Grounded
• Unaffected by societal pressures
• Loving father
• Ambitious (for success, not money)
• Brave

That said, oh boy, does my husband ever have his faults! Me too, of course. But…there are so many people in the world looking for a little attention, tenderness, and company. There are others who have completely given up on love. That makes me so sad. The upside is that even giving up on love and romance doesn’t prevent it from sweeping you off your feet when Mr. Right walks into your life!

I wouldn’t trade my husband for the world—not for Hot Dad, Adam Lambert, Sexy Boss, heck, not even Clive Owen. (You know who that is, right? If you don’t, be advised that you’re missing out on some very serious hotness.) And for all of those young ladies out there who are sad and who have given up on love, I can only say that if I managed to meet Mr. Right, I really believe you will too.

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Life is just plain crazy (but fun!). I loved my old job, but ended up getting called for this interview. I went, and to make a long story short, now I have a new job! My old job was SEO writing. My new job involves affiliate marketing. It’s really fun. I like my coworkers.  I also like the work.

The icing on the cake, however, was an unexpected surprise that I didn’t discover until my 2nd interview when I was already completely excited about this new job–the icing I am referring to is my new SEXY BOSS.

Sexy Boss is kind of young to be a supervisor of so many people. He slicks his hair back in this odd way that should look ugly but oh my, it certainly doesn’t…He is tall and dark and handsome, and he’s one of those who’s so hot that he doesn’t even need to prove it to himself by flirting with girls and getting them to flirt back…No, he’s real laid back and doesn’t flirt with anyone at all, which makes him all the more attractive.

Would my husband get irritated at me for having a non-sexual crush on Sexy Boss? Well, maybe. If he reads this blog post, I guess I’ll find out! If he were irritated, it might console him to learn there are many reasons I would never ever date Sexy Boss and would loath the thought of what marriage with him will be like for that poor girl who one day feels happy for “getting” him… First of all, one never “gets” guys like Sexy Boss. For one thing, he’s Aquarius. I think we all know about Aquarius males and how quickly and willingly they settle down.

Next, Sexy Boss has an annoying little issue with rebellion-though, as long as you aren’t dating or married to him, it’s kind of cute. Though he is a fully grown adult and NOT a college kid living in the 1960’s, Sexy Boss still refuses in many ways to be part of  “the establishment.” In addition, he is quite proud of the fact that he rides motorcycles rather than cars  everywhere he goes. Let’s see now…who knows a fully grown adult who brags about always riding a motorcycle? (My friends from Tennessee may ignore that question, as I realize that ALL of you ride motorcycles–the difference is that you just truly love Harley’s, while  Sexy Boss has something to prove. And he’s using a motorcycle to do that…odd.)

Last but not least, he seems quite proud of his frequent bar hopping. I never enjoyed bar hopping–so I am not sure when people stop feeling proud of doing that…but my guess is, probably when they are quite a bit younger than Sexy Boss is at the moment.

Thank goodness my husband isn’t anything like that! He doesn’t need bar hopping or motorcycles or a non-membership card to the establishment to know he’s all that. He doesn’t even care whether he’s all that. He just cares about real things. Like small babies and having a good job and being the same guy at home that he is at work and with friends–kind, respectful, and strange. HA HA! Good one.

All jokes aside, my husband is definitely the apple of my eye. But I’m not going to lie. It’s VERY fun when your boss is sexy. Also, it makes me  motivated to do a good job so that he will notice me and think I’m smart. That’s pitiful, but it’s 100% true.

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My husband still comes up with some shocking viewpoints. Every once in a while, he’ll make a statement that’s just pure genius–those moments I savor. However, he also occasionally makes a statement that reveals cluelessness about society, life, and all things real and normal–and I mean in a way that takes the word “oblivious” to unchartered territory. We’re not talking different plain or different planet. We’re talking different stratosphere, possible different lifeform.

I was a little irritated because I had insomnia (due to an exciting opportunity–good stuff, not bad). So I wanted to tell my husband how excited I was.  So I go downstairs to tell him, but he started complaining because I was interrupting his drawing on the computer.

I felt that was extremely babyish.

So, I told him lots of things to help him understand how babyish and selfish that was. For example,  how he never buys me gifts. (I actually don’t care about gifts except for Mother’s Day. This year he forgot that one, and it really made me mad! So it seemed to fit into this conversation.)

In short, the conversation changed from one about insomnia and job opportunities and drawing to one about why he never buys me gifts (which I don’t want anyway).

I said, “Everyone buys their wife gifts. Ask your friend Bruce. I guarantee you that man buys his wife presents for her birthday, anniversary, Mother’s Day, and probably–SIT DOWN wouldn’t want you to faint–even when there’s NO holiday to celebrate!”

In all seriousness, my husband looked at me with a furrowed brow and said, “Holly, no one buys that many gifts.”

First of all, that statement made no sense. I only named 3 holidays. Was he trying to say that no one buys 3 gifts a year period? Or that no one buys 3 gifts a year for his spouse? Or that no one buys 3 gifts in a lifetime? I don’t know. And I don’t care. I do think, however, that my husband might benefit from interacting with human lifeforms (namely mine) more often.

The computer drawing and forums don’t seem to be helping him in real life scenarios.

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We all have annoying habits. I know that. But my husband has a new habit…a better word might be ritual, and the fact that “ritual” has a frightening connotation happens to fit the context of this new thing perfectly. See that photo of the two bottles of water (above)? Well, take a minute to observe, and then tell me–which of these things is not like the other? (Sorry, I think I need three bottles to ask that question–I just like saying it.)

Okay, so obviously, the warped bottle that looks frozen solid is the one that’s not like other bottles of water. That’s because most people don’t freeze bottles of water. There are lots of good reasons NOT to do that, but my guess is that most people never really think through those reasons, because it never occurs to them to freeze a bottle of drinking water.

So, WHY IS IT that I have a frozen bottle of water? Try to guess. I’ll give you three choices:

a) My 4 year old put the bottle of water in the freezer to see what would happen to it.
b) I left the bottle of water outside in the cold night air.
c) My husband freezes water bottles and breaks them open and beats the bottle-shaped ice into small pieces to use for ice in his drinks instead of simply using the ice from our ice trays.

The answer is “c.” That’s just dumb. I mean, seriously. We have over 4 ice trays. They are always full of ice. It’s one thing to have an annoying habit that other people have and everyone jokes about putting up with that habit and all that. It’s another thing entirely to have a habit that makes you seem like you need your head examined.

OH, BUT–to my husband’s credit–he did make a VERY VERY funny joke on this topic! The last time he tore the plastic bottle off the ice inside it (it feels so incredibly ridiculous to even type that…) Well, the last time he did that, I held up the torn plastic and said, “This is absolutely ridiculous. I’m taking a photo of this and putting it on my blog, and you’re going to see how dumb everyone thinks this is.”

His response was, “No they won’t. They’ll start copying me because it’s such a good idea!” I must say, that was a good one.

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I am about to share a secret on Burbank salons. I get a “Hollywood haircut” every time I go to mine.  I went there today for the first time in 4 months…far too long. And I came out looking…well, so darn sassy. AND it was not expensive–always a plus. (For locals, I’ll post this info should it be helpful–Handzz N Strandz Hair Salon 818-559-2244. Awesome, awesome hair stylists.)

SO anyway…every time I go to his salon, I get this “shouldn’t I be doing Hollywood screenwriting rather than web content writing?” thing happening. This is because, like every place in and around Hollywood, be it Burbank, Santa Monica, Glendale–doesn’t matter, EVERYONE is doing film and TV stuff–so of course, this includes my hairstylist’s clients!

He also does hairstyles for some big stars from time to time. Recently he did hair before a show in Florida where he did Shakira’s hair, Gloria Estefan, and some other really famous people. Plus, because so many of his clients work in every little niche of the entertainment industry, he knows about all of the stars, keeps up with celebrity gossip, all this stuff.

So every time I’m in there, I get this “star struck” feeling like “hey, why am I just a lowly web content writer?” Then I get inspired to do something big. Then I get home and my boys need my constant attention, then my job needs attention, also my husband–so I forget how star stricken I felt, and forget all about it for 4 months till I get my hair cut again.

Hm. So suddenly I’m all inspired to write this screenplay I’ve been thinking about. My hairstylist liked the idea. So did my sister and Amy–the choosiest people ever (in a good way, as in, they don’t approve of low quality stuff, and they will not lie about it to save your feelings–therefore, I know it’s a good idea.) So I’m going to write it.

Don’t I know that’s a waste of time and that I’ll never find an agent to take it? But of course! I can’t be stopped regardless. I’ll write my little screenplay and send it to a few agents who will not answer my query, and then I will stick the screenplay in the same drawer as my little novel (different story altogether, unedited, because no time, but also don’t care because other fun things to do)…and that will be that!

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Hello! Sorry it has been a pathetically long time since I wrote on my blog. But there is a lot of material that needs to get posted–beginning with THIS (see above photo). Last spring, I started talking a lot about how my husband wears winter and only winter clothes–even in the blistering summer heat of Los Angeles?

As you can imagine, that’s pretty embarrassing sometimes. We’ll be out walking in blistering heat, everyone around us wearing bikinis and shorts, and there is my husband in his thick turtleneck and jeans–WITH sweat pouring down his face and looking like he’s about to keel over from a heat stroke. (This used to be embarrassing–fortunately, I no longer register the feeling of embarrassment when he does things that puzzle others.) So, last year, he began to break out of this winter-clothes-in-summer habit. For the first time in our then nine years of marriage, he wore T-shirts. Not daily, but T-shirts were worn–both at home and on the ocassional work day.

I thought we might actually be in for our first “normal” summer this year. I thought my friends might stop asking if my husband is okay, is he having a heat stroke, and why does he dress like that? Then all of a sudden, this happened (above photo again). We went to the beach two weekends ago. It was hot. Everyone was running around in bikinis. There’s my husband lying in the sand (no blanket, of course) in winter clothing.

That’s my baby beside him. Isn’t he CUTE!!!?

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I kept thinking my husband was joking. RIGHT after we had our third child last summer, he kept saying we should have a fourth.

Now, when I say RIGHT after, I mean, as in a few weeks after. He wasn’t saying it as in “Let’s have the child in 9 months.” However, he did mean let’s have the child somewhere in the next 1.5 years.

Again, I thought he was joking. Or maybe that this was somehow his way of expressing how much he loves our third child and our first two children. I think if you’ve ever studied about the word “denial,” my thought pattern there is a perfect example. My husband says “Let’s have a 4th child,” and in denial that he actually means this, I think to myself in denial, “Oh, how sweet, this is his way of saying how much he loves our children. He doesn’t mean that he wants a 4th–actually, he means that he doesn’t want a 4th.”

And so in denial, I kept thinking this conversation was cute and that he was trying to flirt with me or something.

Until yesterday, and he got all serious about it. “Holly…we can’t wait long for the 4th. We’ll get too tired, and it’ll be too late.” I only caught the phrase “we’ll get too tired” and just looked at him thinking “you mean, we’re not already way, way, WAY too tired to have another baby???” OOOOHHHH, that’s right–you never actually HAD one. Yes, so YOU’RE not too tired…I see.

But I said no.

Yet he keeps asking me on a daily basis. He never listens. At least this question is cute. He’s also not listening when I ask him to stop going to bed at 3:00am every night. Perhaps if he would listen, he would see how wonderful life could truly be. But no, he won’t. He keeps talking about a 4th child and going to bed at 3:00am. (By the way, do you like the way I juxtaposed those two things together? I did that to emphasize how one reinforces the fact that the other will never happen. Like that? I know I do.)

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My husband is sick of working 24/7. Well, I am also sick of him working round the clock–but as I’ve mentioned before, after you live through 5 years of poverty-level income, you stop caring about things like time together and tend to focus more on paying rent and eating food without using your credit card for groceries. I wonder if that will ever wear off–we have been doing well for several years now, but I still feel that working around the clock feels fine because it’s much better than having next to no income. This has me convinced that I am probably scarred for life. Oh well, we all have our scars–living near with not enough income to fully pay bills for several years is pretty minor.

Anyway, my husband recently decided to change everything. He wants to start his own business so that he’s doing the same type of work but on a freelance basis. My first thoughts were “oh…probably will will live at near poverty income levels again.” And then I realized that there was no time to ponder this thought cause I’m working 9 to 5 and have three little boys who are constantly fighting, screaming, playing, and asking me questions (or, more often, complaining about stuff I do or don’t do)…What am I trying to say? Well, I’m trying to say that I might have worried about this idea of my husband’s except for two things: 1) I can’t focus on a single thought for over 5 minutes due to the reasons listed above and 2) I love new adventures!!!

The new adventures part I could really go on and on and on about. I’ve had a lot of new adventures this year, and it has made things really fun (though very hard to blog!!!). So, it will be really exciting to see how my husband does with his business.

He already got his first project. He brought home all the paperwork and handed it to me. Um, excuse me–do I look like I have extra time to fill out his paperwork? You can’t see me, but if you could see me, I am positive that your answer would be a definite “no.” And of course he still hasn’t filled out the paper work. Too bad.

We’ll see how this business goes. I’m happy to have something fun and exciting!! Oh, also having a business doesn’t rule out taking projects–so technically I guess it’s not that big a risk. OH, but I suppose he hasn’t yet managed to talk me into buying equipment that will cost us $20,000 or more. Ok, yeah, that’s when it will become risky. (ha ha! good one!)

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I want a Nintendo DSi bundle for my birthday. Last year my husband got “me” one of those video cameras you can use to quickly upload videos onto YouTube. (Actually that was for himself, and he didn’t try very hard to hide it, but I also use it, so I don’t care.) He’s not using my DSi though, and he’d better remember my birthday. That video camera, by the way, came like 2 months after my birthday. Thank goodness I’m not big on birthdays or anniversaries–here’s how it went when I tired to remind my husband that my birthday’s coming up:

I was talking to my husband over the weekend and said something like “I can’t wait for my birthday!” He looked seriously confused. So I repeated it and opened my eyes really widely (and a little angrily) as I emphasized the word birthday.

It made no difference. He still looked really confused and said, “You already had your birthday this year.” OH MY GOSH. NO I DIDN’T. That was our 10th anniversary!!! SO ANNOYING. There is just no excuse for that.

But I am not an expert on birthdays. On my Facebook page, I put an incorrect birthday to fake out any stalkers or nosy strangers. (Currently no one, and I do mean not a single soul, is trying to find information about me via Facebook or any other means for that matter. But you never know. I could have a stalker one day–and if I do, he or she will be totally baffled at my ability to fake him or her out. Don’t play with fire people.)

ANYWAY, so I faked out the would-be stalkers, but also my whole family and all of my friends. They all already wished me a happy birthday months ago, and  I was too embarrassed to tell them about this little “error” I made, and obviously explaining why would be far too embarrassing to get into.

Usually I don’t really notice my birthday, but this year I’m really excited. I’m not sure why!

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Does everyone know who Adam Lambert is? If not, let me have the pleasure of acquainting you with the most wonderful contestant ever to set foot on the stage of “American Idol,” ever to grace the cracked LCD screen of my ridiculously gigantic television, ever to make me actually want to buy a CD by an American Idol contestant…Meet Adam Lambert.

I don’t want to ruin his charm, but if you haven’t yet seen him, this scary little metaphor will really help you envision his appearance–which, despite the metaphor, is simply…heavenly. So who does this guy resemble? Well, if Elvis, Boy George, and the lead singer from the Cure had a child together–this child would look just like Adam Lambert.

Adam’s voice, however, sounds like none of the above. His vocals actually sounds a lot like Axl Rose (former lead singer of Guns-n-Roses, as I’m sure you already knew). Adam has a LOT more energy and innocence than Axl…but then, who doesn’t? He also has a more punkish style, black fingernails, and guyliner, none of which ever really appealed to me, neither on man nor woman, but all of which I’m suddenly finding quite alluring.

Adam is quite strange–in fact, many people on the Internet are saying he gives them “the creeps.” But it can’t true–surely they are just saying that to get attention. There is no way this young beautiful, though admittedly weird in a sexy way, lad could give anyone the creeps. No, he isn’t capable of that.

He is wonderful. Of course, you’d never, ever want to be married to him. Whether or not he wins “American Idol” (which he most likely will, though there is Danny Gokey to contend with), he will have a record deal, and it will sell millions. Therefore, within one year, Adam will have 10 girlfriends at all times (or boyfriends if the rumors about him are true). Also, he’s way too cool for school. You can’t marry guys who are too cool for school.

But you sure can watch them sing. There is something outrageous and incredibly entertaining about Adam Lambert’s performances. Usually outrageous performances are uncomfortable and irritating. But not this guy’s. Adam is rocking the USA right now. Can’t wait till tomorrow. He’ll get voted on and then he’ll sing his victory song–can’t wait!!!

Please, if there are American Idol viewers out there–tell me, does Adam give you the creeps? Or is he outrageously wonderful?

PS. You can see Adam’s American Idol performances here on iTunes for FREE. You can also download the the studio versions–or pretty much any other song you like!  (iTunes works for PC and Mac).

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