Husband Clothes

Oh my gosh. I just saw through the news that 22,000 more people are jobless. It’s so hard when the husband/live-in beau has no job. (But fun when I don’t have one…sorry if that sounds catty, but I have earned the right to say it. Also, I currently do have a job, actually 3 of them–but more on girls and jobs at another time.)

I remember well the days when my husband was applying for jobs, never getting them, and then failing when he finally did. [Update: he did finally succeed and now does very well in the movie industry—but who knows about tomorrow—don’t worry about us, thanks to my husband, we experienced poverty and could certainly overcome it again.]

Anyway, I thought I’d write a lil’ “How Not To” based on his early job experiences and, more often than not, unemployment. Guys: if your family is desperately in need of you getting a job, don’t do these things:

1. Do NOT find a job that does not pay sick days and take one day off each week because you “don’t feel good” or you “are sure the boss doesn’t mind.” (Note: especially do not do this if you are getting only $7 per hour. Your honey can probably accept a low salary, but not the weekly day off that makes the salary even lower, k?)
2. Do NOT apply for a job and feel that you need to “hear the results” before applying to the next job. Note that when you don’t get results soon, that usually means that the result is “no.” So waiting simply means you will be out of a job much, much longer than your wife or girlfriend can put up with you.
3. Do NOT show up to interviews 2 hours late. If you do, do not accidentally spill your Mountain Dew all over the receptionist’s desk while she stares at you like you are a freak.
4. Do NOT show up to a job, try to show them something you “know how to do” on the computer, and freeze their entire network. (Yes, my husband did this.)
5. Do NOT ask for $50,000 salary when the job is worth $30,000. In fact, for all of you newbie’s out there, PLEASE don’t ask for a salary—really. Tell them to give you a range, and pick the middle number. Or, if you’re super desperate, pick a lower number in the range—but not the bottom one.
6. Do NOT assume that, because “in your opinion” it’s better to wear casual clothes, the place where you have your interview will find that admirable. They will not. They will think you have been living in a cave because everyone knows you wear a suit to an interview. (Well, not in the movie industry–I have to give him this one.)
7. Do NOT say that you will wear a suit, but that a tie is “taking it too far.” A suit without a tie is like a car without wheels. Trust me—it will make you look dumb and will get you nowhere.
8. Don’t wear damn white socks to an interview. I can’t even get into this topic again without getting annoyed. Listen to your girlfriend on this one. Read GQ. Please tell me that you at least know what GQ is—if not, ask your girlfriend. (And be really thankful that you managed to get a girlfriend.)
9. DO look darn busy at home while you are unemployed. Try to be out of the house looking for jobs a lot. Do NOT be like my husband was–sleeping most of the time, sitting around the house, getting crumbs everwhere due to continous snacking (hey, he had nothing else to do), and be playing Nintendo when your lady gets home from work. Hey, fix freaking dinner sometimes please. You may not have a job, but your wife does, and it’s annoying to come home and cook for your butt when you’re sitting around cruising the Internet. Use your brain.
10. When you are offered your first job in a long time, DO take it. Don’t turn that crap down thinking you’re going to wait for something better–like my husband did. Take that job, then quit when you get the better one.
11. Oh, oops, did I start sounding bitter? My, my, well try being a teacher for 5 years (and going to graduate school) while your husband “learns 3D animation,” and doesn’t ever have a full-time job OR benefits, and you’ll understand:)
12. For anyone who is too sad to think this post is at all amusing, I am sure there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If my husband found it, BELIEVE me, anyone can.

Filed under: Finances, First Years of Marriage, Jobs & Unemployment, Uncategorized