Imitation of Husband When Sick

I‘d like to share a little about my husband’s behavior while he’s sick. First, he believes you MUST be extremely warm to heal from a cold. Therefore he wears a beanie at all times while sick. That’s correct. This includes during summer, in public, and while he sleeps. He pulls it way down over his eyes. He stays in bed with the covers pulled up to his nose. Oh, he also leaves wads of toilet paper in his nose. Please see the visual I created using a Spiderman doll that looks exactly like husband while sick–except there are no nostrils into which I can stuff toilet paper wads–try to imagine that part:

sick-in-bed.jpg

Does this look frightening to you? My standards are so low at this point that it almost looks normal to me now. I even go out in public with him looking like this in the summer. Sure, it’s embarrassing when people stare, but at those moments, I convincingly pretend to be alone. No one knows. And besides, they walk away so quickly when they see him coming.

Oh, there’s also the way he ACTS when he has a cold. He can’t breath. His head hurts so badly he can’t move–even in dire emergencies, like when something’s burning on the stove downstairs, and one of the kids starts screaming as if injured upstairs. See how one person (me) can’t handle both incidents effectively, but two people could? Too bad. My husband can’t move. He has a COLD (also known as “possible kidney infection”).

I think the most annoying is that when I am sick, of course, he thinks I’m faking it and totally ignores me. I hope I never die while I have a cold, because if I do, I will remain that way unchecked on for quite some time. I find that extremely irritating.

I have heard that many guys have trouble handling colds. It would be very encouraging to hear that they also wear beanies, leave toilet paper up their noses, and ignore their wives’ colds completely. This would mean that my husband is perfectly normal after all.

19 Responses to “Imitation of Husband When Sick”

  1. Note to those with sensitive stomachs: This comment contains offensive material.

    Well, my husband doesn’t wear a beanie. But he has a horrible horrible horrible habit.
    When he is throwing up (chucking, hurling, vomiting, barfing, whatever it is in your corner of the world) he has to make AS MUCH NOISE AS POSSIBLE. Yes. it’s like this. I’M THROWING UP HERE. CAN YOU HEAR, I’M SICK. YES, I’M STILL THROWING UP, CAN YOU HEAR THE EXTREMELY LOUD GROANING NOISE I AM MAKING IN MY CHEST SO THAT YOU KNOW THAT ME, YOUR POOR HUSBAND/FATHER IS BEING EXTREMELY SICK.

    And yes, he does also lie in bed, and moan, and sleep all day. Yet I (and I’m guessing all mothers) would, on our death bed, have to get up and wipe our 3 year old childs bottom.

    Life is just not fair.

  2. well…I dont have a HUSBAND, but I do have a FATHER and a SON, and they BOTH act like that when they are sick… minus the beanies!! (thats too funny)

  3. Thank you. I was beginning to feel that perhaps other guys DO wear beanies when sick. Judging from your posts, it seems that my original assumption was correct–and NO ONE does this.

    My GOSH. I can NOT imagine dealing with the exaggerated throwing up as a method of getting attention and pity. In fact, when my husband is sick, I think, “Well, maybe I can just avoid him by staying out of our room this entire week.” You can’t even do THAT, you poor soul!!!

  4. We call those hats touques. I think it’s strictly a Canadian thing.

    My husband gets a cold…and pretty much complains constantly from there on out. Of course, he get’s ZERO sympathy until the question “Have you taken any pills for it?” is answered with a yes. Usually about 4 days in he gets it and takes a pill – and then I pat him on the head.

    Have you ever noticed how Mom’s usually get the freaky mutated gene after it’s been through every other family member? We all just had that bad flu/cold thing that’s going around…they got it for a week…I end up in hospital and 6 weeks later I’m almost back to normal. ARGH!

  5. OMG! Never fear Holly I’m hear to tell you that you are not alone.

    My husband does the EXACT SAME thing. He wears a Beanie and layers the sweatshirts and lays under the covers moaning. And, he refuses to eat! He says his mama always told him to starve a cold.

    When I’m sick? He laughs and tells me I’m faking like this is junior high or something.

    Also, to the previous commenter – my husband does the puke thing too. It is so bad I have to leave the house for fear of chain reaction puking. I’m a chain reaction puker so even hearing makes me want to puke.

  6. I’m soooo relieved.

    I’m also happy to say that thanks to your comments, I have revised all comments on “tobagans” to read “beanies” as apparently all other people on earth refer to this type of hat.

    It feels good to be normal for once. he he he

  7. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXLHWmjA5IE

    I assume you’ve seen this vide before. A perfect example of a sick man. My husband, and I believe almost every husband I know (not all mine) are the same. My husband sometimes does the beanie thing but he layers his clothes, walks around with his shoulders hunched, as though that will help get better, and takes my hand, places it on his forehead and says “do I have a fever?” He then coughs exaggeratedly and loudly all day. If I suggest he take something or go see the doctor he says “I don’t want to know what’s wrong with me”.

    They’re all the same. They’re a special breed. We women, if we want to be sick we have to book ourselves into a hotel room all alone because no one else in the house is going to care. We instinctively know that so we don’t bother informing anyone else. We know it’s pointless because they are going to be suffering something far worse than could ever strike us. They won’t even be sick until we are then it will be something they’re likely to die from.

  8. Yep, definitely. TP up the nose too.

  9. It’s good to know my husband is not the only one with disease like symptoms when it really is just a winter cold….

  10. A lot of this sounds like my dear husband, too, except for the beanie part, but the toilet paper and fear of dying, yes.

    (He also rolls–when not sick–long, thin, flimsy ear-cleaners out of tissues and leaves them lying around. I cannot for the life of me imagine how they do any good as substitute Q-tips, but they are CHEAP! Anyone else’s husband do this?)

    But I digress: If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. Being prone to occasional bouts of nausea and v-ing*, which I hate more than almost any other type of ailment, I one day tried making the horrific noise DH does when vomiting. To my surprise, it helped me get the v-ing over, and thus end the suffering, much faster than I would have otherwise. I am going to use it again. Better than a finger down my throat.

    The sound also brought DH to the bathroom door in consternation. He seemed to be afraid that I might die! In the middle of v-ing, I had to reassure him that I wouldn’t, and I also had to choose whether to join in the usual conversation he starts whenever I am ill (during which we hash over “what food could have brought on the trouble this time”–and I know he will never let me eat whatever it is in peace again), or else to repeatedly moan, “Oh, no, please! I just can’t bear to think about food right now.” (It takes several repetitions and he is only appeased by assurances that I am quite willing to take the subject up some other time.

    It feels to good to get these things off my chest to an understanding audience! I’ve enjoyed the blog and all your comments!

    *Middle letters left out in affectionate memory of my dear mother, who could not bear to hear even this medical term, much less “barf” or “upchuck”!

  11. When mine gets sick now, I suggest he take some advil and get over it. I have one baby already.

  12. My husband washes the groceries so that he doesn’t catch germs. He has a very low immune system and catches viruses by just standing next to someone.

    He banns most people other than immediate family from the house and refuses to go into other buildings. So if he gets a cold, it’s my fault. I must have given it to him.

  13. WEEL I “LL BE MIRACULOUS RECOVERY FOR VINCE! AFTER ALL IT IS THE WEEKEND! SOMETHING ABOUT FRIDAY WILL MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER EVERYTIME. FRIDAY MUST BE A MAGICAL DAY OF THE WEEK! I’LL REMEMBER TAT THE NEXT TIME CATCH THE FLU OR ANY OTHER ILLNESS.

    TODAY IS THURSDAY BUT ONE MORE DAY AND I WILL FEEL BETTER! THANKS TO THE FRIDAY GODS!!

  14. My fav was when i was in bed with the worst stomach
    pains i have ever had….he asked if i wanted to go to
    the hospital and i thinking it was the flu said no.
    about 2 hrs later i went into the bedroom to
    wake him up to take me to the hospital…his response
    was i offered earlier and you said no , sorry cant do.
    I drove myself to the hospital 10 miles away fell into
    the er and had to have surgery two days later..gall
    bladder attack…he got up the next day and went to
    work…(his response was I thought you went to
    work early) he starts at 630 i dont start till 9 am…
    i called his shop and they said he was out on the
    truck and they will try to get him..i said never mind
    tell him the divorce papers will be in the mail…
    yep i dumped him

  15. i found this article when i was googling to see if anyone, besides me, wore beanies when they were sick. LoL.

    yep.

  16. My wife complains that I make a racket throwing up too. Maybe I do, but it certainly isn’t exaggerated. I think what it is, actually, is normal: men throw up normally, women hush their vomiting. For men, if you’re throwing up, it’s not a beauty pageant, you’re not trying to impress anyone, you are suffering. The worst thing you can do for your sense of well being is think about how terrible you look and sound at that moment.

  17. Well, Aras, I guess you got me on that one! Indeed, vomitting was not meant to be a beauty pageant. Ha ha!

  18. priceless. i don’t have kids or a husband yet but I do have a whiney boyfriend who lives with me. When he gets sick its like he’s been hit by a car. Rolls the tiolet paper up and sticks it up his nose for hours. Stops breathing while coughing. And refuses to go to the doctor. It must take at least 3 days of “baby I’m sick” before he finally decides to take something for it. I have to do everything for him… I swear if i could pee for him he’d probably ask me to. But when I’m sick I still have to figure out what’s for dinner and still go to work. Him? no work no getting out of bed.

  19. it’s just a law of the universe – like Newton’s law –
    when men are sick they fold up in bed; when women are sick they fold clothes
    And obviously exposure to testosterone adds virulence to all bacteria and vira….

Leave a Reply