Flashback: Funny Ideas I Had About Marriage


Ha ha! I’m cracking myself up. I had a flashback on several assumptions I used to make about marriage. I wasn’t even one of those “I’ll find my knight and white castle” type girls. I was more one of those “please don’t let my husband turn out to be an undercover drug addict/criminal/person with 10 wives in other states” types. I specifically remember being SURE that marriage isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Yet I still had no idea. Here are some of my thoughts from about 10 years ago:

1) Warnings about finances causing trouble in marriage don’t worry me at all. Our finances will be FINE. Hello, two people = twice the money = we’ll pretty much be rich.

2) Everyone says you have to communicate. OF COURSE we’ll communicate.

3) Why does everyone think children cause stress in marriage? As long as I marry a nice guy, this will be noooooo prooooblem. (Note: I did marry a nice guy. The topic of the problems a nice husband can cause with child-rearing needs a whole long post. I’ll write one soon.)

4) Women don’t want to have sex when they’re married? That’s a bunch of fluff. Not me. I’m sure we’ll have sex daily. Probably more than once each day.

5) Why do people say women get really bitchy and don’t care about their appearance after they get married? NEVER! I will make time to focus on me and I will make him help me. (And I just assumed this plan would unfold simply and easily.)

6) Why does everyone say it’s hard to handle your spouse’s habits day in and day out? That won’t really apply to us. We already know each other’s annoying habits, and we’re okay with them.

7) When you are married, you never feel lonely because you always have someone to talk to and sit with. (HA HA! Try NEVER. Married people are waaaaay too busy to sit and talk. And when they’re not busy, they’re too annoyed or trying to have fun and relax for once. Please.).

8 ) I don’t care if my husband gets fat. And he won’t mind if I get fat. We love each other, and our love runs much deeper than weight. Also, we won’t get fat because we’ll be on a lifetime good health plan. That’ll be one of the many things we do together as a couple. I will always have plenty of money and time for proper meal planning. We will be so healthy.

9) People talk too much about the hardship of sacrifices in marriage. Please. First of all, my husband would never ask me to give up anything really important to me. Secondly, even if he did, I will be happy to sacrifice for him because I love him so much.

10) When things get hard, which they won’t, we’ll just always remember that DIVORCE is NOT an option.

Any married people totally cracking up right now? If so, I’m glad I could put some humor into your day.

3 Responses to “Flashback: Funny Ideas I Had About Marriage”

  1. What can I say, Holly? Don’t even get the rest of us started!!! :p

  2. Very funny stuff, it’s good to have humor in a relationship it’s agreat start!!!. Funny

    Go here for some more funny relationship articles.

  3. These are so true. As for #4 Sex Life Issues, when I finally told my husband that my sex drive is directly linked to my stress level, the amount of work I have to do and that no amount of stimulation would do anything for me if I felt like I was in it alone without his help–I think he got it. Now he considers things like cleaning up after dinner and other “chores” as forplay. And on my end, when he knocks my socks off with support, assistance and “pluggedinedness”, I make sure to reward him heartily(hubba, hubaa, wink, wink, nudge, nudge). Positive reinforcement ain’t just for the kiddies.



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