15 Ways My Husband Could Make Me Nervous

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What a delightful article I just saw on Yahoo. It’s called “15 Simple Ways to Keep Your Partner Happy.” It’s written by a man. I thought, won’t it make me chuckle to take a look and just verify for certain that my husband is doing none of them?

Low and behold, not only is he doing none of them, but he’s such a far cry from this list, it actually made me laugh aloud. VERY loud. I’m going to copy the list and add a little commentary to entertain myself. Here are the author’s excellent words of advice and my thoughts on how these ideas pertain to my husband:

1. Rub her feet instead of asking her if she wants you to rub her feet. Make it look like you want to do it. (My thoughts: Right. He rubs my back rarely. Even then, there is a reason, and we all know exactly what that is. That there must be a reason makes the backrub irritating.)

2. Make her dinner one night. Don’t ask her if she wants you to make dinner. Make her dinner before she gets home. (Mmm, I prefer to eat–I’ll cook.)

3. Light a candle so that she arrives home to a nice environment instead of coming home to the glaring lights of the television and other things. (This is reminding me of the time he caught the house on fire. I need to move on to #4  quickly before I get angry.)

4. Send her a text in the middle of the day telling her “I miss your smile from this morning” or “Last night was amazing!” or “The conversation we had last night was great.” (The closest thing to a romantic text message my husband sends me is an instant message that says dumb stuff like “QUICK, tell me how to spell [insert very easy word]” 0r links to strange Youtube videos that I get quizzed on and in trouble for not watching.)

5. Send an eCard in the middle of the day… something cute to remind her how much you really care about her. (HA HA! He doesn’t even get me cards for my birthday!)

6. If she’s going on a business trip, offer to drive her to the airport or pick her up to make her life that much easier. (Well, my husband drives me places and picks me up a lot because I am not very good at driving. I mean, you know, I have car accidents and run into stuff. So maybe I’m spoiled. HAHAHAHHAHA. Picking up part= true, spoiled part= funny joke.)

7. Let her have control of the remote control. Don’t monopolize it for a change. Just give it to her and let her actually sit there and enjoying watching one of her shows. Then you can share one of her interests by watching it with her. (Share an interest? Watch TV together? Hu?)

8. Offer to iron one of her shirts or take her clothes to the dry cleaner. (My husband anywhere near an iron–especially an iron near my clothing–is my worst nightmare. Just thinking about it is making me tense and paranoid.)

9. Clean up the bathroom without being asked. Don’t just sit there and ignore the mess around the toilet. If you know it drives her crazy to see water splashed all around the sink, dry that area after you use it. (Uh, I’d settle for “Try to pee directly into the toilet.”)

10. If you work out together, enjoy it with her instead of rushing through your own workout and then not letting her workout at the same time. (I would never choose to work out with my husband. However, if forced for any reason, I’d be the one rushing through my workout. He’d completely ignore me, and I’d completely ignore him as well.)

11. Take a shower together, then wash her hair, scrub her back, and give her a spa treatment. Do this and enjoy it! (If my husband ever tried to do this, I am certain he would injure me.)

12. The next time she gives you a massage, give her a massage the next day. Offer it! Don’t just say you’ll give her a massage…do it! (See #1.)

13. Surprise her by making plans. Tell her, “We’re going out tonight honey.” You can even just go out for a drink or dinner somewhere. It’s taking the initiative that’s important. (Please. I’m about to write an entire post about his “plans.” Here were his actual “plans” for last Sunday: Sleep till 3pm. Then try to take family to the beach at 5pm. The beach is a 45 minute drive. I am neither joking nor exaggerating. This was actually the “plan.”)

14. Decide on and set aside one night a week as date night. Have a date like when you first started dating. (Hm. This could be fun. It will never happen, but if it did, I’m pretty sure it would be fun.)

15. Call her in the middle of the day and just say hello. Don’t wait for her to call you. (Oh, he calls me at least three or four times each day. Usually to ask if I watched the Youtube videos–see #4. Or to ask strange questions like “What’s my social security number?”…as in his social security number… or “What’s our address?” I know what you’re thinking–it’s his way of saying “I love you.” he he.)

Well, that wraps it up for the day. I sure wish my husband would listen to a man like this author. Boy, if your husband does any of this stuff above, hats off to him–and to you! Okay, off to bed now. I’m trying to turn over a new leaf and be self-disciplined. That means I HAVE to get to bed before 1:00am. It’s hard for me, cause I always feel like I’m going to miss something. But I’m going to bed right now. No one can stop me–including myself. Good night.

13 Responses to “15 Ways My Husband Could Make Me Nervous”

  1. Honey, you are hilarious! My MIL was fun too! Now I am left with the SIL, lolol. Take care ;~)

  2. Ha ha I was just reading it earlier and sent it to my husband! Will be posting my own reaction/take to/on it when I find some breathing space. I love the guy’s perspective, though. What do you think?

  3. I laughed right out loud at “TRY to pee directly into the toilet”.

  4. Noemi, when you post your reaction, please let me know.

    I also love the guy’s perspective. I’m just having trouble accepting that he (the writer) is a real person, I mean, one who is a man. But if he is, which I guess he must be, what a lucky, lucky lady who snags him. It would be like living at the spa!

  5. Hey Holly! I just posted something on this article. You’re right – a guy that has this kind of perspective is simply rare. Perhaps the writer is really a woman and we’re being duped! 😉 Nonetheless, it was a very reaction-provoking article!

  6. This is really funny and I am passing it along. I just posted the 10 Ways Technology Could Help Tired Moms – I think we are on to something here!
    http://www.jencarole.blogspot.com

  7. Those 15 points and the replies as well. Heck thats our house! Particularly #1

    Tis a male thing I guess…

  8. This is the kind of propaganda that newlyweds shouldn’t read. I wonder if this guy is even married.

    First of all, leave it to a man to use the words toilet and romantic love in the same article.

    Secondly, after all these years of marriage if my husband tried to massage my feet I’d probably kick him in the chin out of shock and confusion?”

    Thirdly, every wife knows that her husband calls several times a day and they always say ‘I love you’ after you answer the question they called you about like”Do I have any clean socks?” or “Did you know we’re out of milk?”

  9. hi
    i don’t know wat to say….
    simply reading the above i think he is quite normal….
    one thing i can say that in the whole world i am the unluckiest one… with extremely rare (****) person.
    i could not understand that such a person exists… only after marriage i found this rare person.
    no romance…
    no sweet talk….
    no understanding….
    no belief in wife….
    …..
    so many…
    but reading this is fun for me…
    nice article

  10. LOL #4…

  11. nyahaha..just stumbled upon this website on my desperate attempt to get a closer look in our “marriage picture”…i guess im gonna be a permanent visitor for this site..

    nice job in editing the original title Holly Kay…

    although mine would just be 14 ways my husband would make me nervous..#11 is an exception hahaha..all the rest of the list…LMAO!

    “What’s our address?” I know what you’re thinking–it’s his way of saying “I love you.” he he. – award winning line!

  12. Funny, but sad. The “nice” things my husband does for me all involve ulterior motives, and are usually things HE would like, not me!
    So at 45, Ive decided that I’ll be happier by myself! Now separating.
    My question – why do we put up with this? And arent we just harming ourselves & our perenially childiish “men” by doing so??

  13. Pam, I couldn’t have said it better myself.

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