Husband Clothes

What a delightful article I just saw on Yahoo. It’s called “15 Simple Ways to Keep Your Partner Happy.” It’s written by a man. I thought, won’t it make me chuckle to take a look and just verify for certain that my husband is doing none of them?

Low and behold, not only is he doing none of them, but he’s such a far cry from this list, it actually made me laugh aloud. VERY loud. As in, I think I woke one of the children. (Please no…) So, I’m going to copy the list and add commentary if that’s okay with everyone.

1. Rub her feet instead of asking her if she wants you to rub her feet. Make it look like you want to do it. Right. He rubs my back rarely. Even then, there is a reason, and we all know exactly what that is. That there must be a reason makes the backrub irritating.

2. Make her dinner one night. Don’t ask her if she wants you to make dinner. Make her dinner before she gets home. Mmm, I prefer to eat–I’ll cook.

3. Light a candle so that she arrives home to a nice environment instead of coming home to the glaring lights of the television and other things. This is reminding me of the time he caught the house on fire. I need to move on to #4 very quickly before I get angry.

4. Send her a text in the middle of the day telling her “I miss your smile from this morning” or “Last night was amazing!” or “The conversation we had last night was great.” The closest thing to a romantic text message my husband sends me is an instant message that says dumb stuff like “QUICK, tell me how to spell [insert very easy word]!!!” Or strange Youtube videos that I get quizzed on and in trouble for not watching.

5. Send an eCard in the middle of the day… something cute to remind her how much you really care about her. HA HA! I don’t even get cards for my birthday.

6. If she’s going on a business trip, offer to drive her to the airport or pick her up to make her life that much easier. Hm, well, my husband drives me places and picks me up a lot because I hate driving. So maybe I’m spoiled. HAHAHAHHAHA. (Picking up part= true, spoiled part= funny joke.)

7. Let her have control of the remote control. Don’t monopolize it for a change. Just give it to her and let her actually sit there and enjoying watching one of her shows. Then you can share one of her interests by watching it with her. Share an interest? Watch TV together? Hu?

8. Offer to iron one of her shirts or take her clothes to the dry cleaner. My husband anywhere near an iron, especially an iron near MY clothing, is my worst nightmare. Just thinking about it is making me tense and paranoid.

9. Clean up the bathroom without being asked. Don’t just sit there and ignore the mess around the toilet. If you know it drives her crazy to see water splashed all around the sink, dry that area after you use it. Uh, I’d settle for “Try to pee directly into the toilet.”

10. If you work out together, enjoy it with her instead of rushing through your own workout and then not letting her workout at the same time. I would never choose to work out with my husband, but if forced for any reason, I’d be the one rushing through my workout. He’d completely ignore me, and I’d completely ignore him as well.

11. Take a shower together, then wash her hair, scrub her back, and give her a spa treatment. Do this and enjoy it! If my husband ever tried to do this, I am certain he would injure me.

12. The next time she gives you a massage, give her a massage the next day. Offer it! Don’t just say you’ll give her a massage…do it! See #1.

13. Surprise her by making plans. Tell her, “We’re going out tonight honey.” You can even just go out for a drink or dinner somewhere. It’s taking the initiative that’s important. Please. I’m about to write an entire post about his “plans.” Here were his actual “plans” for last Sunday: Sleep till 3pm. Then try to take family to the beach at 5pm. The beach is a 45 minute drive. I am neither joking nor exaggerating. This was actually the “plan.”

14. Decide on and set aside one night a week as date night. Have a date like when you first started dating. Hm. This could be fun. It will never happen, but if it did, I’m pretty sure it would be fun.

15. Call her in the middle of the day and just say hello. Don’t wait for her to call you. Oh, he calls me like two or three times each day. Usually to ask if I watched the Youtube videos (see #4), but sometimes with strange questions like “What’s my social security number?” (as in his social security number) or “What’s our address?” I know what you’re thinking–it’s his way of saying “I love you.” he he.

PS. Was that as much fun for you as it was for me? I sure hope so.

Filed under: Children, Dating, Gifts