Husband Clothes

Our lawn has become an extremely frightening place to visit. Actually, I no longer refer to it as a “lawn.” Because the grass and monkey grass are now about 6 inches tall, I now refer to this area as our “wildlife sanctuary.”

We have mowing issues. You will see how they caused my husband’s one major vice, laziness, (oh and wierdness) to mutate into evilness, despite his usual kind, calm self.

The mowing issues started a year ago when we moved into our apartment. At that time the wildlife sanctuary was just a bunch of dry dirt. My husband quickly “solved” the issue by placing a large piece of plastic, green Astro Turf atop the dirt. He loved it. Loved isn’t quite the word. He was pretty much obsessed with the Astro Turf. He thought it looked great. He wanted to clean it, put a picnic table on it, and so on.

The Astro Turf and dry dirt around it was incredibly unattractive and trashy looking. It also caused health issues. With each gust of wind, mounds of dry dirt would blow into our house through open windows and CHOKE us. I was spending all day sweeping up piles of dirt that blew into the house (i.e. apartment). It was not good.

I asked my husband to help me plant grass, and he got VERY edgy. But I couldn’t take it anymore. I put my foot down and said “I’m laying sod. I’ll mow it, I’ll water it. You don’t have to help.” And that was fine with him. I single-handedly laid our sod, and as I promised, I mowed it, watered it, and so on. Luckily, in the end, I got a lot of pleasure out this gardening type stuff.

Well, until I’m 7 months pregnant, that is. At 7 months of pregancy, it becomes rather difficult to haul a lawn mower out of the garage, mow, and rake up dry grass. So, I asked my husband, “Honey, can you mow the lawn? It’s getting hard for me.”

His eyes got ALL big like saucers, and he said, “You said YOU would do the mowing. I wanted the Astro Turf, remember?” Baggage. Plus laziness. In the end, my husband DID mow. However, he also gave me the silent treatment and dirty looks for the rest of the day. He also got very snippy when I tried to ask questions or make comments. See how laziness mutated into evilness there?

Moral of the story: If you ever meet my husband, avoid touchy topics like Astro Turf that might tap into personal baggage. And WHATEVER you do, do NOT ask him to mow. Just mow yourself. Even at 9 months of pregnancy, it will be easier to mow than than to put up with my husband after HE mows.

Thank you so much for your time, attention, and understanding.

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