Husband Came Home at 4:45am…Perhaps Should Set Limits?
I had a VERY odd night! FIRST I went to bed at 10:00pm. My friends who read this blog just fainted. I have a big problem with staying up late till 1am or lately even later. But I’ve been working on it. BOOM. Progress.
But then I woke up at 4:00 am. Man, is this what happens when you go to bed at 10:00 pm? Don’t like it.
Then I noticed my husband was STILL not home from work. NO, he is not having an affair. (I know this because I do regular pocket, wallet, and car checks. Just joking. I would never invade my husband’s privacy. Only on Sundays, and only then while he’s in the shower or still asleep.)
Though I NEVER get mad about his late hours, I’m contemplating the possibility. His very long-term unemployment several years ago tramautized me into not caring how long he works for any reason ever, as long as he has a job to work at. But 4:00 am on Saturday? Perhaps it’s time to confront the trauma. (He’s also been working till 1am and later each week night for at least 3 weeks. New responsibilities at work–wants to prove himself.) Hey I get it, but 4:00 am on Saturday??
So, I spoke loudly, “What are you DOING? It’s 4:00 am! It’s SATURDAY!” And then he said he was working (yes, that’s clear), and he’s coming home soon. I kept thinking, “I think we need to set limits.”
But in order for limit-setting to work, the other party has to respond to the limits. See, that doesn’t happen in our house. Oh, I’ve set limits, and taken measures to enforce them. Bigtime measures. You don’t even want to know about them. My standards weren’t always this low, and I used to have lots n lots of energy to set and enforce limits. But my husband is not a “respond to limits” type. He’s not even a “clearly hear or understand limits” type. He’s pretty much limit-proof.
He said he almost has it under control. So I’m going to copy my husband and put this off for a while. Let’s see where we stand on the work hours next Saturday. If 4:00 am, I’m going to start talking strategies. Big ones. Like take the kids and move to Granny’s house. On the East Coast. And uh…uh…too tired to think about it. We’re going to go get ICE CREAM now. I’ll update you soon.
June 1st, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Here bust our your can of Whoop Ass and enforce those limits. I mean not that I would know. My hubs is the same way he ignores the limits and asks for forgiveness. And, honestly? I think that’s okay as long as it’s temporary.
Good Luck!
June 1st, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Well, my husband doesn’t ask for forgiveness. He feels that this is an automatic part of things. His reasoning is “I HAVE to stay till 4:00 am, so you HAVE to forgive me.”
But, it does make me feel like slightly less of a pushover that a fellow wife feels it’s ok if temporary. Also, I greatly enjoy the way you refer to enforcing limits as busting out my can of Whoop Ass. The more I say it, the more I like it.
Holly
June 2nd, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Since I’m new to your site, just found it today, may I ask how long you’ve been married. I’ve been with my husband since I was 17, so that’s 25 years of monogomy (not kidding). We’ve been married and living together 13 years, ups and downs, but happy all in all.
I tell you this because my husband is the same way - they all are - cannot be changed no matter what, and I’m a determined you-know-what! He never says he’s sorry or asks for forgiveness. As a matter of fact, when he told my son to tell me he was sorry for something, the seven-year-old says, “Why? You never do.” The kid’s got a point. Then I made him say he was sorry. You gotta train them young.
As long as he’s not doing something bad and is making money, enjoy your time alone. The longer you’re together, the more you’ll be glad when he’s not under foot, believe me.
June 2nd, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Hi Lola!
WOW. 25 years of monogamy and 13 years of marriage. I feel sheer awe and amazement. To answer your question, I have been married 9 years.
I see that your blog is called Sassy Mamma Says. I am definitely going to be paying you visits, as I strive to be as sassy as possible at all times.
Just kidding;) But that’s a very catchy title.
Holly
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:13 pm
“The longer you’re together, the more you’ll be glad when he’s not under foot, believe me.”
We’ve only been married 2 years - will this really happen?
“He never says he’s sorry or asks for forgiveness.”
This is my husband’s motto - plus “Never admit to anything!” I think he’s learning a little bit though - he has said sorry this past few months more than he has done so his whole life!