Guest Story: Husband Heroic? Not Exactly…
Good story I can TOTALLY relate to. Why is it that husbands INSIST on being a hero for the coworker, the stranger, the plumber, whomever else…but not the wifey. And my VERY favorite is when the husband’s “heroism” is not even very helpful to anyone, PLUS creates problems for his wife and family.
Prime example: One couple had a horrendous situation with the bathroom. They discovered rotting wood under the floors–lots of fixing needed. Basically, the whole floor had to be taken up, as well as tiles in the shower, and one thing lead to another, and it just became a colossal mess. Well, this lady’s husband (unlike my dear ole’ hero) KNOWS how to do handy stuff. Wow. He can build, paint, put in screws correctly. I’m betting this guy can even drill without creating problems…AND lots of other handyman difficult stuff.
However, occasionally there’s a part or two this guy CAN’T do. In that case, they call in the pro’s. So, this rotting wood thing involved tasks her husband COULD do, as well as things he could NOT do.
The couple got the estimate for all the work. They agree on the total with the workers. I’m sure this was at least a few thousand dollars. Important detail: The total price includes ALL parts of the job. They can’t really say “Now, you stop at this point, and my husband will do that. Then you begin again at this point…” No, it’s pay–for-whole-job or workers-do-no-job.
Does everyone see this clear picture? The couple is getting the bathroom fixed. The worker doing it is all ready to do all these jobs and ALREADY PERFECTLY HAPPY WITH THE DEAL.
So, as the job progresses, everyone’s happy. The workers are doing a job they’re happy to have. The wife is happy the bathroom’s getting fixed. Then as the job comes near an end, the husband blurts out: “Oh, listen, don’t worry about putting stuff BACK–the hinges, light fixtures, and so on. I can do all that stuff.”
Does anyone out there understand WHY a person would do this? If so, please understand: There’s no reason for this type of thing. It’s NOT heroic. It’s actually not even helpful. In fact, now the job will end up taking more time, as one husband can’t possibly finish it up as quickly as the workers would have. Plus, the workers think the husband is WEIRD because the workers would NEVER pay for a job at their home, then do half of it. Please. No one would. Except this poor lady’s husband. Or my husband or your husband perhaps.
But so many husbands DO stuff like this–there has to be some mutual guy understanding that I don’t get. Like, maybe the guy thinks paying for a job then doing half of it himself makes him look wealthy? Or makes him look generous (to other guys)?
I can tell you one thing for sure, to his wife, this looks neither wealthy nor generous. It looks dumb, expensive, and highly irritating. Why? This guy’s “heroism” is now keeping him working in the bathroom to “save the workers” (who now think he’s weird), while wifey needed help watching their child, cooking dinner, cleaning, and hey, maybe even talking or MAYBE even hanky panky, Buddy. Seriously what was he thinking????
July 11th, 2008 at 7:53 am
My husband is the one that CAN do it.. he just doesn’t. Not for us, anyway.
He “remodeled” our bathroom 4 years ago to accommodate a shower (old house with only a tub)… I’m still waiting for the trim to be reinstalled, and the light fixture is still in it’s box. I still haven’t gotten to take a shower, either.
Now… when someone else needs help - NO PROBLEM! He’s there! Currently building an entire set of $20K kitchen cabinets for his cousin’s new house for FREE!
But can I get some simple trim installed? Nope.
I think it’s an ego thing. He doesn’t want those workers to think he can’t handle doing it, just that he’d prefer to not have to.
July 11th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Kelly,
You have caused a revelation in my mind. I am barely even joking. So, I am now thinking, even if my husband COULD fix things, he WOULDN’T??? Whoa.
You mean, my light fixtures would STILL be in boxes (as they are) even if he was Mr. Talented Handyman? You mean, I would still be the one doing shpackling when and where necessary? Even if he could actually do this stuff???
WOW. This is truly unexpected. But good to note for future reference. Thank you for sharing!
July 11th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
it’s totally a “cobbler’s children have no shoes” thing.
my father was a electrician and wired the house I grew up in. from the day we moved in until well after the day i moved out, 17 years later, there was a bundle of wires hanging visible above the stove. they were intended for a vented hood that was never installed.
he would have raised holy whatever if mom had called an electrician to handle it for her, so she just had the whole kitchen remodeled instead; complete with a vented microwave over the stove ;o)
I wonder if dentist’s wives have the same problems?
July 11th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
and I bet that the wife of an OB/GYN doesn’t ;o)
July 11th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
Kelly, that is SO FUNNY. I can’t believe your father was an electrician and your stove had visible hanging wires throughout your entire childhood.
That soooo proves what you were saying before: it doesn’t matter if they CAN or CAN’T fix stuff. If they’re the hero-only-for-others type, wifey isn’t going to get any handywork out of him, and that’s it!
I am really trying hard to imagine what this oven looked like…Thanks again for your stories!