Life Strategy My Husband Taught Me
As I’ve mentioned, the top reason I wanted to marry my husband was because he was kind and steadfast through and through. And those qualities have gotten us through near-divorces caused by OTHER qualities he has (and that I have, of course).
In our first three or four years of marriage, I kept learning about “life strategies” my husband used, and uses, to deal with a variety of situations. Some of these strategies HORRIFIED me. The really odd thing is that the more time that went by, the more I learned from the way my husband does things–even though I don’t always agree with his approach.
I thought I’d share one of these strategies with you. It may ring a bell for some of you. I’m going to write this from my husband’s perspective. Pretend he’s reading or speaking the next paragraph. Then I’ll tell you what I’ve learned from this highly annoying strategy and why I now use it regularly.
#1 Husband Strategy of All Time: Say, “I will do it later” to avoid anything for any reason. Even when you have said this 100 times (when, for example, your wife has asked you to mow for the past 100 days), feel free to say it again when asked to do “the task.” Sure, it will infuriate the person asking you to do the task at hand. But pleasing people isn’t the objective. And thank heaven for that. Also, remember that the word “later” isn’t specific–so don’t go making it something it’s not by tacking a day or time to the end of your statement. Keep it straight and to the point: “I’ll do it later.”
What I have learned: I used to be Miss Do EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW and Miss Do EVERY FAVOR ANYONE ASKS me for. By observing my husband, I learned that this is much too stressful. Now my motto is pretty much “I’ll do it later.” Oh don’t get me wrong–I help people who need help. But not when I can’t. Also, not for moocher types, and not for people who are mean or unappreciative, no matter how close a “friend” or relative. Oh, I don’t have a problem just saying “no” either, but in some cases, “I’ll do it later” is preferable. (Prime example: When my mother-in-law says, “Come visit me,” it’s really better to say “I’ll do it later” than “No, we’re not going to visit you because when we do, you ruin my life.”) The person asking the favor ALWAYS stops asking at some point–so it’s definitely a win/win situation.
Oh, and you know who gets this response from me more than anyone else in the world–my husband! Pretty much all we ever say now is “Can you help me?” or “I’ll do it later.” But somehow it works out–probably because we both strongly stand by this strategy. We’re united in not doing things right now.
Filed under: First Years of Marriage, Habits, Theories
