Husband Clothes

Remember that wonderful song “Killing Me Softly” (not the original, rather the AWESOME remake of it by the Fugees in the late 90’s)? That’s one of the songs I sing aloud sometimes when I am taking my daily walks. It’s very embarrassing when people unexpectedly walk up behind me because I sing this song LOUDLY. It can’t be helped–the song is too soulful to sing quietly.

I thought of this song because lately, I am constantly repeating the words “He’s KILLING me” to myself. I think we all know exactly who I mean when I say that.

Last night, he actually DID almost kill me. He barbecued again. And let me tell you–he is trying hard to convince me that he only used “lighter fluid” and “not too much” of it at that. But that substance could not possibly be lighter fluid.

I was innocently using my computer in my room–it is very far from the backyard, which begs the question “How could a substance possibly travel so far ‘by accident’ if you get my drift…And suddenly my lungs felt like they were coated with something radioactive or VERY abrasive…like acid. Then I started coughing and couldn’t stop. I thought I was going to have to call 911!!! Today my throat STILL feels like it’s coated in acid.

I sincerely hope no one within a mile radius of our apartment has asthma or any kind of allergies to any chemicals. Because if they do, they could have been harmed. I’m surprised no one called the fire department. I would have thought this was a dirty bomb if I didn’t know it was coming from a grill in my backyard. I am SO embarrassed. But again, this could just all be a big cover up. A cover up to kill me. And it’s working.

Other ways he’s killing me but not softly:

1. He accepted an offer for an upcoming project that is 3 hours away. AGAIN. But guess what. This time it will last for much longer than last time. YAY. No need for him to come back. I’ll be dead, and the children will be living with my sister. Because I can handle a lot, but a newborn, a toddler, a 2nd grader, and a job (but no husband)–that’s gettin’ sketchy folks.
2. He has no project right now–5 weeks till the 3-hour away one. BUT he’s being ALL picky about what salary he needs to take a project now. Doesn’t that sound FUN? I’m like, “Hi. Is the offer you just got more than ZERO dollars? Because ZERO is what you’re getting paid right now.” I realize that was mean. But accurate nevertheless.
3. He’s staying up till about 3:30am every night (or perhaps I should say every morning). It’s driving me insane. I’ve never felt we must go to bed at EXACTLY the same time. However, at the very least, can we keep our bed times on par with humans, rather than bats, owls, and bugs?
4. Obviously as a follow-up to #3, he’s rolling out of bed at some ridiculously late hours. I’m so annoyed right now that I ignore him at all times regardless, but give me a break. Getting up at 1:00 in the afternoon is for college kids, not grown men with families. Am I right, or am I right?????

I might add items to this list as the days go by. Since it doesn’t appear he’ll be taking a project anytime soon (and will therefore be home 24/7), I assume the list will grow a great deal over the next 5 weeks.

This entry was posted on Monday, September 8th, 2008 at 8:05 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.