Husband Clothes

I thought after almost 10 years of marriage, it’d be hard to surprise me. But I was wrong. For my husband, surprising or shocking me is a cinch. And he doesn’t even try. He just puts on an outfit, for example, and I sit there shocked and dumbfounded.

Take this little get up for instance. Guess where he wore it? Yes, I kind of gave that one away in the title. He wore this outfit, this very one, to a JOB INTERVIEW. I bet anything you just had to reread that sentence to see if there was a hidden joke in there somewhere. There’s no joke. Well, except the outfit itself. AHAHAHAHHA. Good one!

Usually I try to explain why the clothing concerns me. In this case, it’s entirely unnecessary. You see the get up.

HOWEVER, occasionally, I post these photos of perplexing get ups, and a male reader will write to me and say “No offense, but I think that outfit looked fine.” That always alarms me–because the outfits I post on this blog alarm me–but I love getting emails, so I don’t want to discourage anyone from telling me his honest opinion. I will, however, briefly post the points that are horribly wrong about this get up, just in case there is a male reader or two out there tempted to say “Hey, that looks fine.” Because, hey, that really does not, and here’s why:

1. Yellow stripes on black clothing (or vice versa) will make you look like one of two things: a bee or a tiger. I ask you, have you ever once thought to yourself, “Man, all I want is a girl who looks like a bee or a tiger”? If no, then why would you think ladies like that look? We don’t.
2. Shirts with stripes must NEVER be worn with pants that also have stripes (or with any other pattern, as I hope you knew). What if they are the same colors? Then of course you can wear them–to bed, as pajamas.
3. I can’t really express in words how bad it is to wear a shirt and pants that each have stripes in different colors. I’m trying to think of words that can describe how bad this is, but I simply can’t. It’s that bad.
4. On mixing and matching Adidas clothing items, I have one word for ya: GYM. If you’re not walking into one, don’t wear Adidas pants with an Adidas shirt.
5. Okay, sure some places of work have casual dress. But not “Adidas” casual (remember: GYM), and NOT for a job interview. You needn’t wear a suit to a Hollywood studio for an interview. At the same time, you needn’t look like you came to use the stairmaster.
6. Last point: I know it can be hard for some guys to MATCH their clothing. This little rule of thumb may be helpful: never combine 5 different colors in one outfit. Way too risky. In addition, be sure items at least match themselves. Per the outfit pictured, the pants don’t match themselves; the shirt barely matches itself. These two items together=lethal to my corneas. Please don’t wear these colors together.

OH, AND he got a job offer after wearing this thing to his interview. Why is it that when I make fantastic blunders, I have to suffer for them? But when my husband makes them, they don’t bother anyone? I remember, for example, when he was missing a FRONT TOOTH, he had job offers up to his ears. Don’t get it.

Filed under: Clothes, Uncategorized