Husband Clothes

I must admit, I am not too mature when it comes to my mother-in-law. And I enjoy it. (Read background about her here, though I assure you, you’re really better off not knowing.) I’m going to tell you my very favorite little trick that allows me to live a happy life despite her nastiness. You’ll probably think I’m mean. But that’s ok. Because I know for certain that if you met my mother-in-law, you’d ask me how I’m doing and how on earth I’ve made it through the past 11 years considering that I have to communicate with this woman at all. Well, all it takes is a little bit of immaturity.

First, I don’t communicate with her. By this I mean, I send her about 2 emails per year–in response to emails she sends to me. YET even so, she manages to fit in some negative insults about anyone and everyone–even people I don’t even know, several compliments to herself about various qualities she feels she has, and generally one or two lies. Occasionally there will be a request for help–despite of course, her refusal to help us in any way AND feel sorry for herself because of this.

So recently, it happened again. She sent an email to me, and I responded to it, and the discussion went downhill fast. First she said something about how she finally is home where she can use the internet again and email me. (Like this is going to make me happy. Like this is going to make anyone happy. Believe me, anyone who gets email from this lady is very, very sad she’s back home with internet access. But it’s not like we can just tie her up and lock her up somewhere with no internet access–after all, if we COULD do that, we would.)

Next she explained how her daughter’s getting a divorce from her horrible husband, and oh, (I’m quoting), “I didn’t get involved at all. Not at ALL. But he screamed at me. He screamed at my daughter from the beginning, and now he even screams at me. I told both of them that this is just no way to live…” and then continued to demonstrate the degree to which she was not involved in their separation. As she told this story, she kept repeating things like how tolerant she has been of her daughter’s husband and how she stayed out of it. In addition to this, she slipped in few negative comments about her daughter, and many additional negative comments about her daughter’s husband. (Both of them are very normal people and very nice.)

My FAVORITE part was next–when she said, “Holly, it’s different with me and you.” (Really? Oh yeah, because you and I like each other…gotcha). Holly, I consider you my own. (Really? You do? Is that why you talk behind my back to all of your neighbors and stuff whose kids tell me about all the nasty things you say? Hahahha. Clearly, they have NO IDEA what they are talking about because you just said you consider me your own. Words mean so much more than actions. They do. I’m serious.) But my daughter’s husband…I just never could consider him my own. (I’m pretty sure he’s okay with that.)

So anyway, her next and last point was a reprimand. No communication from my mother-in-law is complete without some form of reprimand, correction, insult–it is colored with the degree of emotion she feels about whatever she needs to teach you at that moment, as well as her mood at the moment she addresses this ‘issue’ she has with you.

Her issue was that I’d posted family photos, but they didn’t include a photo of my husband. Uhhhh, OK. I hadn’t posted photos in months. The reason is because it’s too time-consuming. I have 3 young boys. One of them is ONE. When I’m not working, I’m chasing that little guy around the house and up and down stairs, fixing dinner, cleaning the house, and doing a million other things. I was thinking she’d write something like “Thank you for letting me see how my grandsons have grown!” But no, it was “They look so wonderful. Yes, it sure is a pity you didn’t include a photo of my son…”

SO, I was forced to employ the secret mother-in-law manuever. I wrote a really smarty pants email to her in response just saying basically can you please EVER be grateful for ANYTHING without your stupid feedback? But that’s not the good part. The next step–and the critical one–is then blocking her emails to me. SO, she will email me a super nasty response back. Will it bounce? No, it will not. She will think I received it. But I WON’T!!! I will continue to live in peace without continuing the discussion. YET, she too will live in peace feeling the got the last word. (To her, the last word is worth living and dying for.)

The beauty…Actually I had the last word–she just doesn’t know it! I’m okay with that. She can think she told me off. I won’t have to worry about her for about 6 more months. Oh, or maybe more depending on when I decide to un-block her emails. It’s aaaallll up to me. I like it.

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