Husband Clothes

Man, cars have caused me a lot of up’s and down’s lately. We finally got rid of my husband’s %&$# BMW. It made me so happy. I was cruising in my crashed up Impala feeling so free. Free of car payments, that is… For maybe 6 months. Then, out of the blue, my husband suddenly he started talking cars again. Hu? But we’re free. If you had the key to a jail cell, would you use the key to let yourself back in? No, of course not! You’d use the key to get out and stay out.

But not my husband. He suddenly not only decided that he needed a car. He needed a big car. He actually got over the whole BMW or Mercedes type car…He always felt afraid of scratching it or something like that. So he decided the next car will be tougher, a more standard brand, and big.

That would all be fine, except that he can’t just have a big car. It literally has to be the biggest car in the world. Which one? Chevy Tahoe. I think those cars look great. They are very comfortable. But hi, you need to have space to park it. Space is something we don’t have.

So I refused to agree with this purchase. It’s too big. It will use too much gas (my husband’s commute is over an hour each way). And who would be paying for this thing during the months my husband doesn’t work? Me. But not me. Because as I said, I refused to agree with this purchase.

Every time we were out, I kept pointing to other cars, trying to find cars that are big, yet slightly smaller than the biggest car in the world. For example, Toyota Highlanders. Those things are huge. I was ready to compromise. I could have gone for a Highlander. But nooooo. No. Not big enough. How about a Ford Explorer? Those are pretty big. Nooooo. Those aren’t made anymore; also, they don’t have the 3rd seat in back like mini-vans have.  We need that so we can fit our family in the car, plus other people. (What? Who? Why?)  How about a smaller Chevy? Like an Equinox. Those things are hot. And they are big. But nooooo. No, says Husband-With-Void-That-Cannot-Be-Filled-No-Matter-How-Big-The-Car-Is, the Equinox is just like our Impala. Hey! Good idea! Let’s just get another Impala! A used one for like $10,000. Talk about a great idea. But again, no.

Then I got fed up with trying to negotiate. We didn’t talk for maybe 3 weeks, and I wanted to divorce him and move back to Tennessee. Those were some very exciting weeks for me. And I think for him as well! However, as fate would have it, we began speaking again. And I will not be moving to Tennessee as I’d fantasized. And I will not be marrying Hot Boss as I also fantasized. Oh well. Those dreams were fun while they lasted.

Then a miracle happened. The car conversations suddenly took a turn for the better. In fact, it was pretty much a 360-degree turn that made me go from feeling disgusted and sad to really excited. My husband said these magic words: “What about a Mustang?”

What about a Mustang, it IS. I instantly loved the idea. And you know, literally any Mustang will do. I think he’s going to go for the most expensive possible Mustang, probably some type of collector’s edition (is that the right term) mint type gem. Whatever. We determined the price limit. Whatever he finds in that is GREAT. I can’t wait to own that thing.

But wait–then I told him I’m going to drive it. His face fell so fast I thought he was going to faint. Get outta here. So I run cars into walls when I try to park. Big deal Buddy. Mustang’s are tough. That’s why you get them!

And I realized something…I think I’m going to need my own Mustang.

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