The Chicago Bulls are my imaginary new boyfriends. That’s surprising considering that I never liked sports until 2013. ANY sports. It’s a long story to recount how I transitioned from boredom with sports to my boyfriends being the Chicago Bulls, but basically it started due to my sons’ love of basketball, my taking them to practices, and so on.
SO, I have learned stuff, such as “field goal” is something that happens in basketball, not just soccer! (Really, its true.) And let’s see, I know what things like ” a pick” is (that’s a defensive move, or an offensive move, anyway, it’s a type of move)…Ok, let’s stop bragging about all the stuff I know and move onto the words I have for the Chicago Bulls, whom my boys and I LOVE with a capital “L.” Each team member is unique, so I have unique words for all of them. But the play-off’s are coming on in five minutes, so I will probably only be able to write words for five or so of the team mates:
To Derrick Rose: You are the cutest basketball player on earth. You are one of the cutest people on earth. Everyone keeps talking about whether you’ll play, that you should play, that Joachim is the team’s leader now, that you won this award and that award, you were the youngest player to do this, you should do that, and so on. While you ARE incredibly talented and skilled and have done amazing things considering your tender, young age, and while I AM really sad about your ACL injury (yet happy it healed), I just want to say that I don’t think we should forget how adorable and sweet you look. That might not do much for your basketball skills, but it sure does a lot for my interest in basketball games. Thank you for that, Derrick.
To Joachim Noah: You are a wild one. You wear your hair in a bun. Did you know that your “game hairstyle” is the same, exact hairstyle I wear while cleaning my house? Isn’t that funny? This makes me think you and I would see eye to eye on lots of things. One thing we definitely see eye to eye on is Derrick Rose. I love how you defended him today, and your words, while astonishingly ungrammatical (soooo much, wow…but it’s okay because you are bilingual in French and English, so you’re sophisticated no matter you say or do), the message packed a serious punch–basically that unless people have walked a mile in Derrick’s shoes (let’s both call him by his first name), they need to quit judging him. And I suppose I need to quit judging you for your cleaning-my-house hairstyle. DONE.
To Nate Robinson: Have you ever heard that song “You’re the meaning in my life, you’re the inspiration” by Chicago? Oh, no, cool people don’t know that song because it’s over 20 years old. Never mind. Well, being 5’9″, plus in the NBA, plus a STAR player in the NBA, not just the 5’9″ guy who sits on the bench all the time, I must say, you have totally inspired me to do pretty much anything I ever dreamed of. If you can be 5’9″ and play like that in the NBA, then I can do stuff like..uh, handle computer viruses without the help of my ex-husband (see what I’m saying?). ANYWAY, you also look sort of like that singer Fifty Cent (I know, it should be “Cents” but that’s not how he writes it), which is always a good thing. And you have been getting knocked down and stuff like your face stepped on lately in the play-off’s. You are tough. There’s nothing better than tough. In short (sorry, the puns are writing themselves at this point), I want to be you.
To Carlos Boozer: I’m sorry about your last name, but clearly, you’re fine with it. I like how it’s hard to peg you. You are bald, yet you have a thick beard. For these reasons, you look somewhat similar to my ex-husband! Isn’t that creepy? Yes, it is. But let’s not worry about that. You know, you have your moments when you unexpectedly swoop in there and score. You aren’t intimidated on the court. You seem like the silent but deadly type (sorry, I know people say that about other things, like bodily gases) but I’m serious, you are fun to watch, even if it your appearance does remind me a lot of how often my ex-husband was never at home, therefore I’m the one who does sports and watches basketball with my boys. No big deal. Keep up the good work!
To Jimmy Butler: You are really adorable, and you seem super young. How old are you, anyway? Does this sound like un-basketball talk? That’s because it is. I don’t know that much about the game yet, but I DO know that you’re on the Chicago Bulls, and that you are one of their “good” players. So that’s a start, right, Jimmy? (Right, Holly.) Thanks!
To Taj Gibson: Hi Taj, well, I think we’ve exhausted my basketball knowledge. At this point, all I can really say is, hey, good free throw in that last game. That was you, right? And you are certainly really tall and really thin! I mean, I definitely saw you in the last play-off game, but uh…well, I can’t remember what you did or why I noticed you.
I think it’s time to stop now. My boys are getting mad that I’m not watching the game with them. Honestly speaking, this post isn’t really reflective of my basketball knowledge. I could name ALL the players on my son’s team, for example. But trust me, it’s a step in the right direction. By this time next year, my goal is to be an NBA EXPERT. If I even post a blog. We’ll see.