Articles on Marriage about Love, Sex, and Communication

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Relationship Topics from Psychology Today

  • "The Greatest Thing You'll Ever Learn" - One of the great things about traveling, especially the kind of travel that takes you to far away places where people have customs, practices, beliefs and values that are different from your own, is that you get to see how different people can be in some ways and how similar we are in others

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  • Advanced Sexual Techniques for World-Class Lovers -

    Everyone knows what goes where. And everyone knows that it feels most satisfying when the people share an emotional attachment, ideally love. But plenty of people who love each other have sex that ranges from blah to lousy. Why?

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  • Cheap Shots at Your Partner Are Emotionally Expensive - It just happens. You don't think about it. You saw an opening and took a shot; you just had to get it out of your system. But you never considered the collateral damage.

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  • Go to Bed Angry - Kate's parents had this mantra that if they ever had an argument they would agree to hang in there and resolve it, and never go to bed angry. In her own marriage, Kate has tried a few times with mixed results to follow in her parents footsteps. A couple of times her husband refused to talk and simply went and slept on the couch.

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  • Making Love: All of the Positions - A woman I know nearly throws up when anyone calls sex “making love.” You wouldn’t guess it to see her or hear her talk. She’s classy and refined, and a true romantic, too. Still, she much prefers calling sex sex or any of its other rougher names.

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  • Sibling Love Challenges Hurricane Katrina - Jesmyn Ward's novel, SALVAGE THE BONES, is a gut-wrenching ride that can teach us much about the power of sibling love.

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  • The Seven Year Itch: Theories of Marriage, Divorce, and Love - In the 1955 film The Seven Year Itch, a married man struggles with the temptation to leave his wife and small child to run off with the young woman next door, played by Marilyn Monroe. The title of the film refers to a time in a marriage when—according to the U.S. Census Bureau—a divorce is most likely to happen.

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  • What Went Wrong? How Men and Women Differ in their Decision-Making Glitches - Men rush for the finish line. Women explore, communicating about various underlying concerns. And therein lies the struggle.

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Articles about Sex and Intimacy from Psychology Today

  • Flirtation, Ambiguity and Suspense - Innocent flirtation can be energizing, both for the one doing the flirting and the person on the receiving end. Flirtation’s inherent ambiguity has its pluses, not least of which is “sizzle.” But ambiguity can also fuel miscommunication, self-deception and manipulation.

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  • Is She Interested? - Can men accurately see if a woman is sexually interested? The ability to perceive and remember a woman’s interest or rejection is certainly important to men. But some men experience difficulty recognizing sexual interest and these difficulties may predict sexual aggression.

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  • Making Love: All of the Positions - A woman I know nearly throws up when anyone calls sex “making love.” You wouldn’t guess it to see her or hear her talk. She’s classy and refined, and a true romantic, too. Still, she much prefers calling sex sex or any of its other rougher names.

    read more

  • Superbowl Sex Trafficking Increase? Super Nonsense -

    Sex trafficking--the real thing, not the political consumer product or object of sloganeering--involves kidnapping or manipulating someone out of their community, forcing them to engage in sex acts somewhere else, and not allowing them to leave at will.

    It's horrendous.

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  • The Shaming of Paula Deen - The ruthless shaming of Paula Deen, a celebrity chef on the Food Network and so much more has been going on for weeks now, ever since she disclosed to the world that she had Type 2 Diabetes. What does this say about us? Is there something about someone being successful, happy and living into her passion that makes us just want to shout "Gotcha!"?

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  • Three Tips for Sexing Up "The Happy Enough" Yet Desire-less Marriage - "Do you believe that lost desire can be reclaimed? Specifically, in a long, happy enough marriage, where sexual desire and satisfaction used to exist, can we find a new way to pleasure when it's been gone for a while?"

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  • Was Marilyn Monroe a Synesthete? - A blonder shade of synesthesia: Marilyn Monroe's cross-sensory experiences.

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  • What Your Favorite Porn Says About Who You Are - How are feelings from your childhood eroticized in your favorite porn scenes?

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Love and Marriage Topics from About.Com

Advice Column: Professional Therapist at MentalHelp.Net

  • Lust or Love? - Hi Dr. Schwartz, I have been dating this guy for over 6 months now; he has recently relocated to another city for work purposes. Ever since he has gone, we have less communication and, sometimes, he just doesn't reply to my texts or emails. We started out together knowing that he has a girlfriend, but he would tell me how much he wanted to separate from her. Every now and then he will come back for a visit and when he sees me he is really happy and appreciates my company. We have great time together, but whenever he is gone, he is out of reach and I am unable to tap into his mind and his world at all. At times he shows great concern for my wellbeing and everything that's happening around me. However, other times  he just doesn't care. What does this guy really want? Am I dating a guy with bipolar disorder? I am obsessed with him and have tried to stop contacting him, but when he calls me to go out again, I find it hard to refuse. Every time we separate again, he is really cold towards me. Then, I will get depressed, physically fatigued and unable to concentrate at work. What can I do to this relationship? Why is he unable show affection towards me on a consistent basis?
  • Sex is great, but I dont like to do it. - My partner and I have been together almost 10 years now, which may as well be a century in lesbian terms. We have a great relationship. Don’t get me wrong we have our ups and down like everyone else; even had some really big downs, but we’ve always managed to work it out. There is only one issue that keeps rearing its ugly head. I don’t like sex. Don’t get me wrong, sex feels wonderful when I have it. I don’t have any long-standing issues with sex. I’ve always been very open-minded and experimental, but it seems the older I get, the less I want to do it. My partner is the first person I’ve ever been with where I didn’t have to fake an orgasm. I think she is sexy and fun and when I do finally give in and “just do it” I have a great time. My only complaint is that it takes SO LONG for me to reach orgasm. My orgasms are fantabulous! But it takes a long time (like 1 hour +) and a lot of hard work on both our parts to make it happen. Because of this, no matter how great it is, I just don’t feel like doing it! It’s gotten to the point where if she even mentions it, I groan to myself (not out loud) and want to roll my eyes and huff and puff. I just don’t want to. It has created a very large wall between us, like the white elephant in the room. It’s always there hanging over our heads. She always wants it, I always don’t. She doesn’t understand how someone could dislike doing something so great and to be honest, I have to agree with her. It is great, so why don’t I like to do it? Am I just that lazy? It bothers me badly and makes me depressed and defensive, but I just haven’t found a solution. We’ve tried staying apart for months at a time on purpose just to take the pressure off. We’ve tried new and interesting and sometimes “kinky” things to try and get the momentum going. We’ve talked and cried and every time I think it’s going to change, and it does for a week or two, but then I just get tired of it again. Is this totally unheard of? What’s wrong with me? I am hoping that you or someone out there has heard of this before and might have some tips.
  • Religious wife regrets premarital sex; won't sleep with husband - My wife and I have been married for over 6 years, we got married young, 20 & 22. But her past has always bothered me she had been with 9 guys before me. I keep reading about this subject and I know the past is the past and to just leave it in the past. But my problem is my wife told me she slept with guys to get the attention and the affection. As soon as the guy stop giving her those items she would find another new fling. Well after we got married I made the mistake of judging her harshly about her past because I had only been with 3 women before her and all of which I was serious about. I was always taught Sex is the most sacred part of marriage and that was when you were suppose to engage in it, Catholic School for 12 years. Now 6 years later I have caused her to clam up about sex and she feels too vulnerable about opening up about sex because of how hard I was on her early on in our marriage. I know I was wrong for holding this over her head and I have apologized a million times. But she really has a tough time being intimate with me. She also had an abortion when she was 19, which she truly hates herself for what she did. It bothers her a lot. We have two wonderful healthy sons now and she is a teacher in a Catholic school. She feels as if she is a hypocrite because she teaches this children how premarital sex is wrong and abortion is a mortal sin. She is truly sorry about her abortion, But we have no idea how to help her become more affectionate. We are thinking about going into counseling again, or if just she should go? I want to help her with her baggage as I have baggage too just not of the sexual nature.
  • Torn between two lovers, and scared of what I'll do - So I've been with my girlfriend for almost four years now, and not once have I seriously considered another person, until a month ago. My first day of university this guy comes up to me and just randomly introduces himself with, "Hello, my name is _____ and I just officially got $&#! by the university. How's your day?" Considering I was in the same situation and I had nothing to do, we started talking. Now it's a month later, and I'm head over heels for the guy. I mean, he's rude, completely not serious whatsoever, and painfully honest. Quite the opposite of my girlfriend who is quiet, moderately serious, and very polite. Unfortunately, this guy is also a "love 'em and leave 'em, the only place in my heart is for my friends" kind of guy. He has a lot of casual off and on things with girls he knows and very short lived relationships. Now, I know he has an interest in me because he's been quite open about it. And now I'm scared of what I'll do. I keep telling myself it's crazy to even consider breaking up with someone I love and have loved for over three years for someone who I wouldn't have a long standing chance with. I know I wouldn't be any different from the others. Except, perhaps, that we're good friends and that's where I stand apart from most of his casuals. This is where it gets really painful. Even if I did decide I was to go for him, I could not bring myself to break up with my girlfriend. I mean, that's cheating. The concept is horribly, horribly wrong to me; but I'm so sensitive to her feelings that I'm scared I'd be willing to ignore the future consequences to bypass the immediate ones. I'm wondering if I'm getting bored. Is that normal? This guy lacks so much charm that it's charming. We have the same twisted sense of humour and we talk for hours. I don't hug him because I'm worried that I wouldn't be able to restrain myself from kissing him. That just sets the wheels in motion. I suppose the bottom line is I'm wondering A) what I should do? Is this a sign that I should break up with her at the risk of the emotional turmoil because it is no longer working out (hence the attraction to someone else), B) why I would give up something secure for a real jerk and C) do I still love her? I mean, it's not like my affection for her is any different now as it was, say six months ago. It took a lot of work to get where we are. Please help, Torn
  • How much guilt is normal? - Dear Anne, I was in a relationship with a girl for 14 years. She, madam X, was very controlling and a perfectionist. At the time that we met, I was needy and didn’t realize either of our issues. I grew dependent on her, and allowed her to take over many things in my life that I shouldn’t have. There were many fights where she would say degrading words, threats of ending the relationship and making me think I was always wrong. It took me a long time to become independent and realize that this wasn’t a healthy relationship and she wasn’t going to change as I had. So after 14 years we ended it. In the mean time, I had a friend, Madam Y, who was also in a very long term relationship of 16 years. It appeared that they were a happy couple, traveled a lot, got along well – it seemed anyway. Madam Y is a similar type of person that I am: giving, a peace maker, positive, forgiving and a musician. I had known her for 3 years at the time of my breakup and knew I liked her as a friend, found her attractive both physically and mentally, funny and I just knew that I liked to be around her, but that’s as far as it went. I never pursued anything because I was with someone and so was she. About a month after my relationship ended, she started making comments that made me think that she felt something for me, mind you though these comments were made when she had drank a little too much. After another month of this we were out and again she had drank too much and told me she loved me. So the next day, when we were both sober, we talked on the phone about this. We both agreed that it didn’t matter what we were feeling due to her being in a relationship, but at the same time agreed to meet after work to talk about it some more. She was having big issues with how this could have happened to her, how she could have fallen in love with someone else when she was in a relationship. So we went on this way for about another month, her trying to figure things out, not wanting to destroy a 16 year relationship, but not wanting to let me go either. During this time, the only physical contact we had was a few kisses and hugs, it was mostly all emotional. Before she found the courage to talk to her partner, who turns out to be a lot like my ex, we were found out. Her partner then wanted her to stop seeing me, but Madam Y refused. So she left her house and has been waiting for her soon to be ex to move out of her house. In the mean time she has been seeing me and we have taken our relationship to another level. She is slowly realizing that her relationship had some big issues like communication and would have never been fixed due to her partner’s personality. However, she feels horrible, lots of sadness, blames herself and lots of guilt about hurting her partner. She talks about it all the time. It seems like when we are together she forgets for a while and we have a good time together but the next day she feels so much guilt that she make excuses not to see me for days, even though we talk on the phone daily, but I hear it in her voice. I know we are trying to take it slow, but I feel like this guilt and bad feelings of what has happened will get in the way of us if it doesn’t stop. It is beginning to hurt me when she talks about this, about how sad she is that her relationship has ended, how bad she feels that she hurt her partner. I feel like I am being put on a back burner because she doesn’t want us to be seen in public in case her soon to be ex partner might run into us, She says this is only until their financial matters have been taken care of and she gets her house back, but it’s starting to bother me. I feel like she is thinking more of her soon to be ex partner’s feelings than she is mine. Is this normal? Am I over reacting? I do realize she should feel some guilt and bad feelings, but for how long and how much?
  • How can I forgive my husband to save our marriage? - The last two months I have been separated from my husband. I married him when I was 19 years old and fell head over heals for him. We now have two children together and a love that I cannot let go. When we first were married we both were young and like to go out drinking and of course there was no problem. When I first gotten pregnant we split up because of an infidelity he had with one of his ex girlfriends. Now 8 years later and a lot of arguing, not coming home at nights by him, and another infidelity with the same woman I finally got tired of it and kicked him out of our house. He has quit drinking now and has went through counseling but I can't seem to let go of the past in order to save our marriage. I love him and I don't want to get a divorce. I think what we have is worth saving but how do I forgive him and let all of the anger go that I have for him? Not only do I have anger for him but it seems to be for everyone else to. Please help if you can.
  • Do you really ever 'Just Know' ? - When I met my boyfriend a year ago, i felt a rush of emotion that I have never felt before. Not a giddy, lustful feeling, rather, a deep, intense, calm feeling. I remember telling my family and close friends, "I've never felt this way before. Even if circumstances come between us and we don't end up together for the long haul, then the person I do commit to spend my life with will create this feeling in me cause i truly believe that this is that "it" feeling people talk about when they say you "just know". We dated long distance for about 6 months, only seeing each other 3 times. At the end of the summer, he moved to NY to be closer to me and try to give our relationship a fair shot. Now that we're in the same place and able to see each other more situations, I'm finding that nearly every little thing he does annoys me! We're from very different backgrounds: he is a Colorado mountain boy who likes a simple life and all natural/organic things. I live in NYC, and while I love the outdoors and want to share this with him, I also truly love and appreciate the urban experience, diversity, and culture that city life has to offer. I don't find him to be intellectually challenging and he has no serious future plan. That being said, he is so sweet and thoughtful, so loving and kind. He will cook for me and rub my back. He's very attentive but I'm starting to feel like I love him the way you love your pet (I mean that in the nicest way possible). He comforts me but i am beginning to question if he truly fits as my partner. So what, then, happened to that feeling that I felt so deeply when we first held each other? Where did that overwhelming sense of calm and outpouring of love go? Am I over-thinking things and blocking the emotions from flowing or am I starting to realize a relationship is based on more factors than just feelings? Any thoughts...? For the sake of reference, I am 25 and he is 30 years old.
  • Trauma and Drama: Why are friends and family rejecting me? - Dear Anne, I am afraid this may have the tone of venting because the most recent catalyst happened just today. I just had someone who until now I would have called a friendly acquaintance (I'll refer to her as Sam) behave in a totally unprepossessing manner toward me. We were the first two people to get to our classroom today, so I said "Hi, what're you up to lady?"... she said none of my business, in a rude way. OK, I went through an entire class after this, and, because this was out of character, after class I asked her calmly why she was having a problem with me, and she went off about how she'd had a problem with me for the last 6 months and she wasn't going to be my new crutch (this comment was based on a friendship that she only witnessed the end of.) This and other events in my life force me to conclude that almost all people tending toward type A personalities, view me as emotionally weak. I am not weak... I admit am not strong.. I am human, I have had my problems and I feel that I have the right to have them, and I am sick of people condemning me for it; my sister, the ex-friend, who Sam is basing her conclusions on, and now... Sam. I recently lost my father, I have spent two years attending counseling, and trying different medications for chemical depression and anxiety problems, and although I am aware that these are only the actions of three people; I feel targeted, and not really sure how to handle the situation, much less how to improve it. So I would appreciate a fresh and neutral eye.