Husband Clothes

Okay. So, I have no idea what time he got home from work last night. (But, per the post below, that’s fine.)

SO, this morning, the alarm clock goes off at 7:40am. I said, “Honey, the clock went off.” No response. “Honey, the alarm went off. When are you getting up?”

He said, “Sometime after 8:00am.”

Okay, my job’s done. I’m going back to sleep for a few because I tried to wait up for him and am now sleep-deprived because of it. SO, a little later, I’m up and getting the kids ready. The alarm goes off for the tenth time.

I kid you not, he looks at me with a totally hurt and shocked facial expression and says “Why didn’t you get me up??? Now I’m going to be LATE!” Hm. That’s gratitude for ya.

Well, today we’re going to delve into the excruciating topic of my mother-in-law. She is from another country. This means that she lives THOUSANDS of miles away–and I like it. Here are a few reasons I say that:

1) To meet her for the first time, I had to pay thousands of dollars for her airline ticket and spend months communicating with the State Department to get her a visa. (Remember, my husband didn’t always have a great job in the film industry. For a few years, including that one, he was unemployed.) Now read how she thanked me.

2) During our first day together, she asked me how many men I had sex with before marrying her son. My response was a very freaked out facial expression. Her response to this was “Oh, so you must not have been a virgin. Well, in my country, that means you are basically a prostitute.” Sound fun so far? Then for the rest of the trip, she proceeded to treat me like a lowly, low-class citizen and make me feel ashamed of being a prostitute. Notice: I didn’t answer her question. Perhaps I WAS a virgin but feel it’s none of her darn business. Perhaps not. She’ll never know.

3) Because it is so hard to find jobs in their country, we sent her and my father-in-law $100-200 each month (before “the visit”). Granted, a small amount, but we were struggling to pay our own rent. Remember, my husband had no job. At one point during ‘the visit’, I said something like “I am sorry it’s so hard there. At least we can help a little.” She looked at me with raised eyebrows and said, “That? Oh, that money has been barely even enough to renovate our balcony.” Don’t worry–the help stopped immediately.

4. Mom’s out there, you’ll love this one: I was nursing my son at that time and couldn’t produce enough milk even after 5 weeks. So the doctor told me to give him a little bit of formula each day, but only ONE TIME so as to keep him needing my milk. My mom-in-law was constantly dying to feed my son formula, but I refused to let her. (She was disgusted with me and claimed I was starving him). So, at night when he cried, she would rush into our room (YES, our BEDROOM), take the baby before I woke up, and feed him formula. It ruined all the efforts I’d made to nurse.

5. She purposely calls my sons “her” boys. As in, she says things like “Oh, I miss my boys so much.” Once she even added, “because they’re mine too you know.” I severed communication with her for 7 months the last time she did that. This means total cut-off from family, since my husband never calls (as in 3 times in 9 years). I like it.

Oh, and why even talk about her? Because now she is bringing up the topic of dual citizenship for my sons–which to me, means two things: dual military and dual tax obligations. I already explained that this is an issue for PARENTS and that it’s not happening. Yet she continues to bring it up. I guess we’ll go from barely ever communicating to NEVER. Can’t wait.

I just checked to see when my last entry was. And I noticed it was in February. What happened?

Well, actually the last entry was 4 days ago. But it was mean. It contained curse words and I was really mad. So that one had to be deleted. It’s fun to laugh at my husband but not fun to be a MEAN wife. Well, I suppose this whole blog is kind of mean…but I think you understand what I’m trying to say.

That’s the whole reason I keep this blog. Well, there are a few:

1. My husband freaks me out a lot. I need to talk about his weird habits to sort them out in my mind. You don’t need to read a lot to learn why–just take a few seconds to see the photo of this shirt (which seems to have a built in flashlight). Next, look at these boots–he wears them with the flashlight shirt. How’s this for ya–a nice, new lamp he “assembled” for us.

2. This helps me to keep it humorous. I can get it out without being mean. I think I need to start a Mean Wife blog about myself. Or maybe just a Mean Person blog. But I’m working on it. Day in, day out. I want to be nice. See how hard I’m trying–I deleted that mean post, even though I knew my husband would never see it. I don’t *think* he knows about this blog.

Well, I guess I really don’t hate my husband, or I wouldn’t have a blog about him and our marriage, now would I? My husband has many positive traits, but I have created this blog to help me get out my frustration at the other traits.

For example, let’s go over a few irritating things he did and said today. First, all of the corrections he gave me about child-rearing (despite that I am home with the children alone during the 70 hours each week he works, as I am a stay-at-home and work-at-home mother). The other thing is job search-related (and stupid-related, as in stupid husband tries to job search). On the other hand, don’t even get me started about his d&%# job “search.” Let’s stick to his “suggestions” on how I can better care for our children. (It’s kind of odd for him to be critical of how I rear the children when he rarely ever sees them. That’s fine.)

SO, my husband was trying to sleep at 11:00am. The boys and I had already been up for over 3 hours. Our youngest son kept trying to go into the room–this makes it hard for my husband to sleep, so I was trying to coax my son into the living room. He wasn’t having it–he wanted his dad.

So, finally I said, “Let’s go” and picked him up, and he started screaming. My husband half opens one eye and says, “You aren’t doing it right. You have to talk him into it, not just take him out of the room.” OH MY GOSH. PLEASE SHUT UP. Do you think there’s a chance he was joking and knew how dumb it was to correct me in that scenario?

Husband Meanness of the Day:

After my husband got out of bed at 12pm, he helped me until Niko (our 2.5 year old) took his nap. My husband also napped. Till 5. But then he helped me all night. Granted, he acted irritably and babyish the whole time, but I was happy to have the help, as I have 15 pages to write by tomorrow. Why am I writing the blog right now? Anyway, now it’s 10pm, and my husband just came in our room and tried to get in bed.

Excuse me, our bed is my desk (very small apt, very small bedroom, I have to put papers on my bed while I work and pretend the bed is a desk. It’s distracting, but I have no choice.). No, he can not get in bed. You may think that sounds mean. But I don’t have free time during the day to work–then I am watching our children. It would reduce a great deal of stress if I could work during the day, but it’s not possible. So, I HAVE to work at night, or I will lose my job.

I can’t work with my papers spread out on my bed–desk while my husband is also rolling around on my bed–desk. And, if you could HEAR him when he sleeps, you would understand that it will be far too loud in here to work. Solution? Sleep on the couch for a while or go to bed at 3am like he usually does–on the days, of course, when I want to sleep at 10pm..

Of course, if I were the one who needed sleep, and he needed to use the “desk” for work, I would happily sleep on the couch so he could work away. Can HE sleep on the couch? Oh nooooooo. It’s too uncomfortable. When I told him he couldn’t get into the bed, because I need to look at my papers (lying on the bed, my desk) as I work. Husband freaks out and stomps off into another room. SUCH A BABY.