Husband Clothes

Hi! I have gotten some very interesting emails this week. My personal favorites are the ones where guys are asking about my husband’s job. Nothing about girls or marriage. No, no. Just questions about jobs and money.

Alrighty. I love talking about jobs. In fact, I have the very odd hobby of job searching. I have a full-time writing job (from home). It pays nicely, and I love it immensely. So, I don’t need a job. But I NEED to job search. It’s probably related to filling a dysfunctional void of some sort–kind of like alcoholism, except instead of never getting enough whiskey, I never get enough job searching. (I just reread that, and it frightened me. Oh well.)

Um…yes, this brings me to my story about my husband’s job. OH, it’s related to animation. (Due to that detail, he may force me to remove this post–should this happen, I apologize in advance.)

If you or your husband wants to work in the movie industry–you could be in for a doozy of a time. Let me recommend Gnomon (wierd name, but very high-quality, famous school.). IF you have like $20-30,000 for your husband to attend a program like this, this could be a quick, easy path for you–assuming he’s talented and a go-getter type. We did not. So, if you are like us, here are some possible challenges you could encounter:

1) As your husband learns his trade, he will be on his computer 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and unemployed for at least 3 years. Actually, I suspect this applies to numerous techie job–not just animation. Of course, some men would work in the day learn at night…I’m sure that’s nice for you.

2) Your husband’s going to “need” to buy lots of computer equipment in order to GET projects, and later a job–so this will be around $15,000-20,000 altogether. Not buying the equipment will mean that you’ve survived the 3 years of unemployment for nothing. Again, this pretty much applies to all techie jobs.

3) If you’re like me, you’ll get lucky and live on the East Coast, while all movie jobs are on the West Coast. BUT your husband will get offered contracts, not jobs, meaning you will now get to pay for 2 places, so he can go, but you can stay and maintain your full-time job with benefits in Virginia. (So you would be a single mother to your first child, oh, and pregnant with your second child. Also, you might have horrible morning sickness, not for 3 months like most people, but for 6, while your husband is away). This will last at least 6 months. And it may happen 2-3 times before your husband gets a full-time job.

4) Then you will move to California, quit your job, and never see your husband again because he’ll be working all the time. HAHAhahahaha. (This is a joke, but not so funny.)

5) It’s not over. Now your husband will need to “specialize.” So, get ready for him to go study in Canada at Vancouver Film School for 4 months while you stay in California with your, now 2 children, as a single mom. Oh, don’t expect him to have a valid passport. He might forget to renew it, as he forgets to renew his driver’s license (which he now has 3 of, which is not really legal–but it’s due to living in 8 cities in 9 years). Point being: you might freak out for 4 months while your husband is in Canada studying, as the passport law changes–you will be worried that they will not let him back into the US.

Okay, but it’s not this hard for everyone. It’s also not this easy for everyone. My husband is very talented both artistically and in science, so once he got his first real job, things moved extremely quickly. He has friends who have had the same job for years but want out and can’t find anything.

Finally, he didn’t job search. I job searched. For years, I sent out 10-50 resumes a week, along with demos. Yes, this was very dysfunctional of me. Of course, my husband should have done his own job searching. However, as I mentioned in a prior post, his theory was you apply to ONE job and wait for the answer before applying to the next job. Guess how often companies like Dreamworks answer–NEVER. Unless they want you. That wasn’t the case. Fortunately, it was fine with him to “let” me take over and start sending out stuff like mad. And it worked very well with my job searching..um..hobby.

These things said, this was fuel for our marriage. It was very hard, but at the same time, we are both risk-takers and like setting goals. We are not afraid of tough times and can handle stuff. Now that things have been settled for a few years, life is pretty good. But this is NOT the road for everyone. We have seen a few divorces among friends already due to the work hours alone! Beware of demanding techie jobs…beware.

This post is mainly for the guys out there. I got my first Guy Feedback that I am mean and materialistic! You are probably saying it in a joking way, as in “you’re so mean” being sarcastic code for “you’re sooooo tolerant and nice based on what I read on your blog.” If you ARE serious, though, you should enjoy this post. (And ladies, I already know you will because it’s about men and how they are about their cars.)

Well, I guess I am kind of mean sometimes…but more on that later. However, being materialistic is definitely NOT one of my (numerous) vices. In fact, like many women, I get nice stuff for everyone except myself. AWWWW, did I make that sound sad? Because it’s not at all sad. In fact, I LOVE it. I refuse to get myself stuff, and I brag about it. I like old stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I look nice in public–hair fixed, makeup on, etc–BUT I prefer old stuff for most situations. Also, I don’t have lots of stuff! As little as possible. Sometimes I get dirty looks from people who think my used furniture is strange or that my crashed up car is ugly. Guess what. I don’t care because I save money, and I enjoy it.

My husband, on the other hand, is somewhat materialistic. He’s not horrible about it BUT he has two huge things–his car and a gargantuous TV he forced me to buy. (By “forced,” I mean that these expensive things cut through the essence of my soul. Yet, he kept lecturing me for weeks about why he really “needed” each one. And I am way too busy for lectures, plus they annoyed me and put me in a bad mood, so finally, I gave in).

Again, this post is for guys. I know exactly what will sway you–pictures of cars. Now, look at the photo of my crashed up 7 year old car on top and my husband’s nice new BMW on the bottom. Then go ahead and tell me: Who’s materialistic now?

Wow, it’s 1:30am, and my poor husband is still at work. I am so glad I already posted the mean post about how he wasted a lot of money, because I would feel kind of bad about posting it now…Well, not that bad I suppose. Who am I kidding? I love mean posts about guys, especially the ones I post about my husband.

So, I was going to try to wait for him, but I am falling asleep sitting up. He hasn’t worked this late since…hmmm, probably since we moved to California 4 years ago. Wow, time flies.

Notice, I don’t gripe about his work hours. A big part of that is that I like not being forced to watch new movie trailors and You-tube videos every 5 minutes, which is what happens when he comes home. Another big part of it is that I know what it’s like to not have enough income to pay bills. SO, I gripe about many things, and all for excellent reasons, but never my husband’s work hours. I’m just glad he has a good job and loves it even though it’s hard.

Hi, I was just reminiscing about all this money that my husband has wasted over the years. I think I need to start a new blog called Pushover Wife. Two large sums wasted:

1. Wasted Money on Expensive Gym: We lived in Arlington, Virginia, and my husband wanted a gym membership. There were 2 gyms very close to us: the YMCA and the REALLY super expensive gym in the Ballston Mall. So, of course, my husband needs to choose the expensive one at the mall because of “the hours.” (What hours? He had a part-time job!) Whatever. So, he gets that one. $70 a month. Yeah, so YMCA was only $30–the HOURS, he needs the convenient hours. Then guess what. HE WENT TWO TIMES IN A YEAR. Then to stop the membership cost us $200. So, let’s do the math: $70 x 10 months (or more) = $700 + $200 = $900. There we go, $900 wasted dollars. Yaaaaaaay.

2. Unnecessary Waste on U-haul Moving Van: Soon after this gym catastrophe, we moved from Arlington, VA to Reston, VA. My husband was in charge of the moving van. Thank goodness, because he literally did NOTHING else–except load the van (but that’s van-related). Didn’t pack one, single box.

I advised him to call friends to help us move our things. Oh no, he says, I’ll do it myself. Okay, honey, do it yourself. That’s a really smart plan–that’s why everyone always avoids calling people for help when they move–because it’s just plain smart. This was only one of his many brilliant moving theories. We have moved 8 times in 9 years of marriage.

So, he loads the van and drives it to Reston. Well, low and behold, he was so sore after loading all that stuff in the van that he could barely move for days. We reserved the U-haul for one day. ONE. Guess how many days it sat in front of our apartment? FOUR DAYS. This made a LOT of people mad:

1) Obviously, it made me mad. My STUFF was in the van, not the apartment.

2) It made our neighbor super mad. This was the guy who had the parking space beside us, as in, beside our MOVING VAN in the space sized for a car. His family gave us dirty looks for that until they moved out of the complex. So embarrassing.

3) It made U-haul furious. They YELLED at my husband when he drove the van back. Total cost for one day: $75. Total cost for 4 days: $300. Flat out waste–may as well have thrown $225 into a garbage can.

Tip: I’m putting a link to Upack here–it’s a company that helps you move by driving the van (but YOU pack the van). Used them to move from Virginia to California–saved LOTS.

Oh my gosh. I just saw through the news that 22,000 more people are jobless. It’s so hard when the husband/live-in beau has no job. (But fun when I don’t have one…sorry if that sounds catty, but I have earned the right to say it. Also, I currently do have a job, actually 3 of them–but more on girls and jobs at another time.)

I remember well the days when my husband was applying for jobs, never getting them, and then failing when he finally did. [Update: he did finally succeed and now does very well in the movie industry—but who knows about tomorrow—don’t worry about us, thanks to my husband, we experienced poverty and could certainly overcome it again.]

Anyway, I thought I’d write a lil’ “How Not To” based on his early job experiences and, more often than not, unemployment. Guys: if your family is desperately in need of you getting a job, don’t do these things:

1. Do NOT find a job that does not pay sick days and take one day off each week because you “don’t feel good” or you “are sure the boss doesn’t mind.” (Note: especially do not do this if you are getting only $7 per hour. Your honey can probably accept a low salary, but not the weekly day off that makes the salary even lower, k?)
2. Do NOT apply for a job and feel that you need to “hear the results” before applying to the next job. Note that when you don’t get results soon, that usually means that the result is “no.” So waiting simply means you will be out of a job much, much longer than your wife or girlfriend can put up with you.
3. Do NOT show up to interviews 2 hours late. If you do, do not accidentally spill your Mountain Dew all over the receptionist’s desk while she stares at you like you are a freak.
4. Do NOT show up to a job, try to show them something you “know how to do” on the computer, and freeze their entire network. (Yes, my husband did this.)
5. Do NOT ask for $50,000 salary when the job is worth $30,000. In fact, for all of you newbie’s out there, PLEASE don’t ask for a salary—really. Tell them to give you a range, and pick the middle number. Or, if you’re super desperate, pick a lower number in the range—but not the bottom one.
6. Do NOT assume that, because “in your opinion” it’s better to wear casual clothes, the place where you have your interview will find that admirable. They will not. They will think you have been living in a cave because everyone knows you wear a suit to an interview. (Well, not in the movie industry–I have to give him this one.)
7. Do NOT say that you will wear a suit, but that a tie is “taking it too far.” A suit without a tie is like a car without wheels. Trust me—it will make you look dumb and will get you nowhere.
8. Don’t wear damn white socks to an interview. I can’t even get into this topic again without getting annoyed. Listen to your girlfriend on this one. Read GQ. Please tell me that you at least know what GQ is—if not, ask your girlfriend. (And be really thankful that you managed to get a girlfriend.)
9. DO look darn busy at home while you are unemployed. Try to be out of the house looking for jobs a lot. Do NOT be like my husband was–sleeping most of the time, sitting around the house, getting crumbs everwhere due to continous snacking (hey, he had nothing else to do), and be playing Nintendo when your lady gets home from work. Hey, fix freaking dinner sometimes please. You may not have a job, but your wife does, and it’s annoying to come home and cook for your butt when you’re sitting around cruising the Internet. Use your brain.
10. When you are offered your first job in a long time, DO take it. Don’t turn that crap down thinking you’re going to wait for something better–like my husband did. Take that job, then quit when you get the better one.
11. Oh, oops, did I start sounding bitter? My, my, well try being a teacher for 5 years (and going to graduate school) while your husband “learns 3D animation,” and doesn’t ever have a full-time job OR benefits, and you’ll understand:)
12. For anyone who is too sad to think this post is at all amusing, I am sure there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If my husband found it, BELIEVE me, anyone can.

I have a story that really illustrates my husband’s understanding of budgets and finances. (I should add beforehand that he is very good at saving money. He is not a big spender type. So, those are the good points. Now to the others.)

My husband’s mother has this ongoing battle over property that belonged to her ancestors (and hence, the ancestors of my children). She wants her grandsons (i.e, my children) to have this property. For many reasons too long and boring to explain, this means my husband and I would need to buy this property to keep it in the family–not all that interesting for me. However, it would keep mom-in-law very busy in her native country, far away from me, and anything I can do to make this happen is worth it. Even paying $30,000, which is the cost of this property.

So, we were going over the finances last night to see taking this type of loan is possible. We have one source of debt–a big student loan of about $25,000 which we got 2 years ago, and are quickly paying off…and therefore making huge payments and would like to continue doing so. I am not sure if we can do that plus buy the property.

I was saying, “Well, I think we’ll be okay. We only have your student loan now…”

His response: “Really? We haven’t paid that off yet?”

See what I’m saying?

Well, I must admit, I sure have missed my husband this week. He’s living in our new place in Northern California, and we are following him there soon. Because this blog was created solely for the purpose of me to complain about annoying habits, I don’t often mention how handsome and unbelievably sweet my husband is. Despite the annoying habits, clothes, decisions, ideas, handy work, and so on described in this blog, I am a very lucky woman.

However, this “computer” is not one one of my luckiest strikes. Years ago, when my husband was contracting (rarely), we bought this thing called a renderfarm for a LOT of money. We were TOTALLY poor. This renderfarm was, of course, for my husband’s job. I always enjoyed spending money for his job, rather than paying rent. Okay, move forward several years: by the time he worked his way into big studios, the renderfarm was outdated. I said, “Time to get rid of this crap.” But noooooooo, Husband insists, we might need it someday.

And as a writer, one day, I needed a new computer. Somehow, he talked me into using this crap. Notice, it has no floppy disk drive. It has no working CD drive (though I believe there is a “fake” CD drive there that my husband used to convince me to take this thing). Notice the huge attractive handles. And don’t overlook the on and off button–oh, sorry, that’s right, there is no on and off button. There is a switch, but don’t be fooled–it doesn’t turn the thing off. You push the switch down, and the “computer” (which is actually a SERVER) goes off for a second, then it comes back on even though you are still holding it down. When you take your finger off of it, it goes back up anyway. The switch acts kind of moody and angry, and basically, I just leave this thing on at all times because trying to turn it off is just way too complex and time-consuming.

So there you have it. I supported my husband’s film industry career by working hard and getting him contracts. He supported my writing job by getting me a “computer” (aka server) with no disk drive, CD drive, on or off switch, but that does, thank heaven, have useful handles and the sharp edges won’t cut you as long as you don’t bump into it.

Husband Meanness of the Day:

After my husband got out of bed at 12pm, he helped me until Niko (our 2.5 year old) took his nap. My husband also napped. Till 5. But then he helped me all night. Granted, he acted irritably and babyish the whole time, but I was happy to have the help, as I have 15 pages to write by tomorrow. Why am I writing the blog right now? Anyway, now it’s 10pm, and my husband just came in our room and tried to get in bed.

Excuse me, our bed is my desk (very small apt, very small bedroom, I have to put papers on my bed while I work and pretend the bed is a desk. It’s distracting, but I have no choice.). No, he can not get in bed. You may think that sounds mean. But I don’t have free time during the day to work–then I am watching our children. It would reduce a great deal of stress if I could work during the day, but it’s not possible. So, I HAVE to work at night, or I will lose my job.

I can’t work with my papers spread out on my bed–desk while my husband is also rolling around on my bed–desk. And, if you could HEAR him when he sleeps, you would understand that it will be far too loud in here to work. Solution? Sleep on the couch for a while or go to bed at 3am like he usually does–on the days, of course, when I want to sleep at 10pm..

Of course, if I were the one who needed sleep, and he needed to use the “desk” for work, I would happily sleep on the couch so he could work away. Can HE sleep on the couch? Oh nooooooo. It’s too uncomfortable. When I told him he couldn’t get into the bed, because I need to look at my papers (lying on the bed, my desk) as I work. Husband freaks out and stomps off into another room. SUCH A BABY.

Thank goodness I work full-time (just from home). Thank goodness I make plenty of money to support our family during dry spells.

My husband’s contract expires in 2 weeks. He has applied for several new contracts (this is good). He wants to use a new software and is trying to get a contract that will involve it. He could snag a job in 2 days if he would just use the other softwares he knows. But oh noooo, he doesn’t want to “give in” and “accept just any contract.”

Um, hu? Give in? To an actual job offer? Interesting concept.

No honey, don’t you dare give in to a job offer. It really is much more important for you to use that software than to have a JOB. Hey, use the software at home if you want–just make sure that you don’t take a job unless you get to name the terms. No problem–we actually don’t really need things like food or an apartment–but you DO need to use this software, and not the other softwares you know.

That’s all. I need to go work now–somebody around here has to be willing to just “give in” and take the work we get. By the way, are all husbands this picky? Don’t most guys just take contracts if they are offered one?