Surprising fact: My husband doesn’t pass gas in the presence of others…even me. Considering all the other issues he has with hygiene, I find it shocking that he doesn’t constantly sit around passing gas. (I also have 3 young sons, however, and they fart nonstop…and when they aren’t farting, they are talking about farting…or butts or other related things…So it’s not like our house is fart-free, but it is very surprising that almost none of them are emitted by my husband.)

So, my husband doesn’t have this issue. However, I know for a fact that most men have serious issues with farting like crazy–they enjoy it, they call it to attention, they joke about it, and they even having contests involving it. This is really gross, and it could even make a female feel trapped in a yucky house with a yucky man, and she has to reckon daily with the fact that this huge fart bucket is her husband…forever. So, it seemed kind to pass this article along to any ladies out there who can’t understand how they trapped themselves into marriage with one big gas-passing machine…Believe it or not there is a SILVER LINING to this sulfur-induced cloud…It turns out that FARTS ARE HEALTHY. Read the article and see: The same chemical that makes the gas stink your house up also CONTROLS BLOOD PRESSURE!!!

No kidding! I think we all know what that means–now, you can look forward to many, many more years of your husband’s fart-related antics. Aren’t you glad you read Husband Clothes today??? heheheheheheheh.

Does this look frightening to you? My standards are so low at this point that it almost looks normal to me now. I even go out in public with him looking like this in the summer. Sure, it’s embarrassing when people stare, but at those moments, I convincingly pretend to be alone. No one knows. And besides, they walk away so quickly when they see him coming.

Oh, there’s also the way he ACTS when he has a cold. He can’t breath. His head hurts so badly he can’t move–even in dire emergencies, like when something’s burning on the stove downstairs, and one of the kids starts screaming as if injured upstairs. See how one person (me) can’t handle both incidents effectively, but two people could? Too bad. My husband can’t move. He has a COLD (also known as “possible kidney infection”).

I think the most annoying is that when I am sick, of course, he thinks I’m faking it and totally ignores me. I hope I never die while I have a cold, because if I do, I will remain that way unchecked on for quite some time. I find that extremely irritating.

I have heard that many guys have trouble handling colds. It would be very encouraging to hear that they also wear beanies, leave toilet paper up their noses, and ignore their wives’ colds completely. This would mean that my husband is perfectly normal after all.

So um, my husband shaved his Grizzly Adams beard off this morning. Yeah, and guess where all of the hoards of shaved off hair went? That’s right–in the sink (yes, my husband knows the plumbing in the sink is stopped up).

So, when I woke up and opened my eyes, I was looking directly through the hallway into the bathroom at my husband trying to plunge the hair down the sink drain. Good idea or no? And of course, the sink took much, much longer to drain this time. Plus it was full of dirty water with lots of hair.

Thank goodness, another plumber is coming within the hour. I’m so happy that he will probably yell at me about all of the hair that appeared in the drain since his last visit. Nevertheless, can’t wait.

Basically my husband was dying to give my son a CREW CUT and finally talked me into it. I’m not sure why this was so important to him. My husband is not in the military, so that’s not it. I love the crew cut look–that would have been great! However, take a look at the two photos below: 1) son with normal hair, then 2) son with “crew cut.”

I’m not sure why or how this happened, but quick question: DOES THAT LOOK LIKE A CREW CUT TO YOU? What I am sure about, though, is that people (as in STRANGERS) would GASP when they saw my son in public. This lasted for 2 entire weeks. By the third week, the hair began to grow back, but people still gave us pity looks for a long time.

I can also add proudly (hahahah, so funny) that my husband must have learned from this experience because it happened 4 years ago, and he has never mentioned cutting the boys’ hair again. (Oh, and yes, he definitely knew it looked horrible and felt very bad. Had he not realized there was a problem, this site would not exist because I would have done a very quicky type divorce, “you take everything honey, I’ll save the kids” type thing.)

Here’s where things get psychic (or mean). It just so happens that my husband SHAVES about once every 4-6 weeks (hence his similarity to Grizzly Adams described here, till he shaves and is bald again.) SO, how is it that for each time he has shaved during our 9 years of marriage, he chooses the morning after my 4-hour bathroom scrub down? To be sure the psychic element is clear, I want to phrase this very precisely: When I don’t clean the bathroom, my husband doesn’t shave. When I DO clean the bathroom, my husband DOES shave the very next morning. For 9 years, he has done this like clockwork.

It may be important to mention that for the small, in between bathroom cleanings (Windex on the sink, mopping around the toilet–hi, 3 guys live here, gross), the shaving does not occur. Lazyhusby, are you out there? Please tell me why this happens. But I’m not feeling picky here–any husby (husband), just tell me why you think this takes place. Is my husband psychic? Is he just mean? Or is this some type of subconscious thing, kind of like right after you change the kitty litter, kitty immediately must let it rip…?

PS. I just realized, I may need to clarify for guy readers: The reason this is ironic is because hair on multiple surfaces is very difficult to clean up. Therefore, each time you shave, a pretty major bathroom cleaning must follow. (Yes, I know, you “clean it yourself.” But I think it’s safe to say that most ladies have to finish the job off. And by “finish off,” I mean “redo completely.”) Please note that your efforts do make the job easier and are greatly appreciated, which is probably why you don’t get griped at much for this, despite that it’s irritating. It’s just kind of an irritating fact of life that’s not your fault.

P.S.S. Every heard of “vacuum electric shavers”? Well, you need to. Here’s one below–4 stars, 190 customer reviews. Looks like a winner. I’m buying one.