Husband Clothes

I had a VERY odd night! FIRST I went to bed at 10:00pm. My friends who read this blog just fainted. I have a big problem with staying up late till 1am or lately even later. But I’ve been working on it. BOOM. Progress.

But then I woke up at 4:00 am. Man, is this what happens when you go to bed at 10:00 pm? Don’t like it.

Then I noticed my husband was STILL not home from work. NO, he is not having an affair. (I know this because I do regular pocket, wallet, and car checks. Just joking. I would never invade my husband’s privacy. Only on Sundays, and only then while he’s in the shower or still asleep.)

Though I NEVER get mad about his late hours, I’m contemplating the possibility. His very long-term unemployment several years ago tramautized me into not caring how long he works for any reason ever, as long as he has a job to work at. But 4:00 am on Saturday? Perhaps it’s time to confront the trauma. (He’s also been working till 1am and later each week night for at least 3 weeks. New responsibilities at work–wants to prove himself.) Hey I get it, but 4:00 am on Saturday??

So, I spoke loudly, “What are you DOING? It’s 4:00 am! It’s SATURDAY!” And then he said he was working (yes, that’s clear), and he’s coming home soon. I kept thinking, “I think we need to set limits.”

But in order for limit-setting to work, the other party has to respond to the limits. See, that doesn’t happen in our house. Oh, I’ve set limits, and taken measures to enforce them. Bigtime measures. You don’t even want to know about them. My standards weren’t always this low, and I used to have lots n lots of energy to set and enforce limits. But my husband is not a “respond to limits” type. He’s not even a “clearly hear or understand limits” type. He’s pretty much limit-proof.

He said he almost has it under control. So I’m going to copy my husband and put this off for a while. Let’s see where we stand on the work hours next Saturday. If 4:00 am, I’m going to start talking strategies. Big ones. Like take the kids and move to Granny’s house. On the East Coast. And uh…uh…too tired to think about it. We’re going to go get ICE CREAM now. I’ll update you soon.

My husband, the kind, handsome, wonderful man he is, definitely marches to the beat of a different drummer. A very different drummer. A drummer who can be annoying at times due to being so unaware of and forgetful of obvious things, yet still feel thoroughly convinced that he knows so much about everything. Especially health, driving laws, and child-rearing. About once every week or so, he shocks me with some bizarre question or statement. I thought I’d list the 10 examples that come to mind–ALL 100% TRUE.

1) Using a seatbelt is dangerous. Also carseats are dangerous for children. (We have children. He abides by the law, but that doesn’t make me feel much better about either of these statements.)

2) Driving the speed limit on the freeway can be dangerous. Sometimes you have to go faster to be safe.

3) What’s my mother’s area code? (As in, his mother’s area code.)

4) Do you spell our son’s name with a “c” or “k” at the end?

5) How old are you? (As in, how old am I. He has known me almost 11 years.)

6) How many years have we been married? (He would probably be at least two years off if he guessed.)

7) Who is Angelina Jolie? (He rattled off this question in 2005 when she’d been very famous for many years. Also he works in the movie industry and was about to begin working on “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” when he asked this question.)

8 ) You know the Airborne you gave me to stop my cold? I think it infected my kidneys.

9) I can’t apply for another job yet. I still haven’t gotten a response from the last one I applied for 2 weeks ago. (This helps explain why he was unemployed for a very long time during our early married years.)

10) It won’t be hard to have a 3rd child. You’ll be fine. (Of course, as he works 9am to 11pm-ish most days.)

PS. His jokes are even stranger than his quotes and questions. They also cause people to stop and do a double take. You can read about those here and here.)

Does your guy seem to get a lot of traffic tickets? For example, does he get traffic tickets that make your car insurance twice that of any other person you know? I would LOVE to tell you exactly how much we pay in auto insurance per year, but I have to pretend like I don’t remember. That’s what I tell anyone who asks because I am SO ASHAMED.

I am very happy to say that over 9 years of marriage, my husband has gone from receiving approximately 3 tickets per year to about one every other year. Not bad–I mean, as long as your standards are bottom of the barrel, as mine are.

My favorite ticket was the time he came to California about four years ago. We were soooo poor. We couldn’t pay for a room/apartment near his job, couldn’t figure out the bus schedule (or even if buses even went to his job location), and couldn’t afford to rent a car. SO, he bought this $500 clunker that was like 20 years old. He said insurance came with the car. I asked him to double check as that sounded strange. (He said he trusted the used car salesman–always prudent.) He mentioned that he needed to get the tail light fixed too. Soon after, he said he’d taken care of these things. Mm hm.

One week after getting the car, he got pulled over. $200 ticket for broken tail light. And the officer was going to give him a $1500 ticket for no insurance, plus mandatory court appearance. (My reaction: GOOD MOVE HONEY. Did the officer mention if we can pay that traffic ticket with a credit card?)

My husband explained to the officer that the car dealership had told him insurance was part of the package but he didn’t have the documentation on hand. So the very, very, very, extremely, SO VERY KIND police officer gave my husband the benefit of the doubt, omitted the mandatory court appearance, and made the ticket $200 (tail light) + $300 (no evidence of insurance or something like this). Whew! (Are you a police officer? If so, I love you because of this incident. In a nonsexual way of course, though has anyone noticed how attractive police officers tend to be? WOW.)

So my husband fixed everything, but he continued to get tickets. Till one day a judge blessed him out in court over a wreckless driving (due to speeding) ticket. I have no idea what was said, but after that, the tickets suddenly stopped. Now only one ticket every other year. I count my lucky stars every night. I love my husband, and I feel much better about his safety now. And our cars. And our finances. And our marriage.

PS. Are you a judge? If so, you may be the one who fixed my husband’s driving problem, so I will do anything for you that is morally sound… Need a free babysitter for your children? Need a maid? Need some one to do your online shopping for you? Need money? I’ll send any sum. You saved me thousands of dollars by scaring my husband. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Hi! I have gotten some very interesting emails this week. My personal favorites are the ones where guys are asking about my husband’s job. Nothing about girls or marriage. No, no. Just questions about jobs and money.

Alrighty. I love talking about jobs. In fact, I have the very odd hobby of job searching. I have a full-time writing job (from home). It pays nicely, and I love it immensely. So, I don’t need a job. But I NEED to job search. It’s probably related to filling a dysfunctional void of some sort–kind of like alcoholism, except instead of never getting enough whiskey, I never get enough job searching. (I just reread that, and it frightened me. Oh well.)

Um…yes, this brings me to my story about my husband’s job. OH, it’s related to animation. (Due to that detail, he may force me to remove this post–should this happen, I apologize in advance.)

If you or your husband wants to work in the movie industry–you could be in for a doozy of a time. Let me recommend Gnomon (wierd name, but very high-quality, famous school.). IF you have like $20-30,000 for your husband to attend a program like this, this could be a quick, easy path for you–assuming he’s talented and a go-getter type. We did not. So, if you are like us, here are some possible challenges you could encounter:

1) As your husband learns his trade, he will be on his computer 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and unemployed for at least 3 years. Actually, I suspect this applies to numerous techie job–not just animation. Of course, some men would work in the day learn at night…I’m sure that’s nice for you.

2) Your husband’s going to “need” to buy lots of computer equipment in order to GET projects, and later a job–so this will be around $15,000-20,000 altogether. Not buying the equipment will mean that you’ve survived the 3 years of unemployment for nothing. Again, this pretty much applies to all techie jobs.

3) If you’re like me, you’ll get lucky and live on the East Coast, while all movie jobs are on the West Coast. BUT your husband will get offered contracts, not jobs, meaning you will now get to pay for 2 places, so he can go, but you can stay and maintain your full-time job with benefits in Virginia. (So you would be a single mother to your first child, oh, and pregnant with your second child. Also, you might have horrible morning sickness, not for 3 months like most people, but for 6, while your husband is away). This will last at least 6 months. And it may happen 2-3 times before your husband gets a full-time job.

4) Then you will move to California, quit your job, and never see your husband again because he’ll be working all the time. HAHAhahahaha. (This is a joke, but not so funny.)

5) It’s not over. Now your husband will need to “specialize.” So, get ready for him to go study in Canada at Vancouver Film School for 4 months while you stay in California with your, now 2 children, as a single mom. Oh, don’t expect him to have a valid passport. He might forget to renew it, as he forgets to renew his driver’s license (which he now has 3 of, which is not really legal–but it’s due to living in 8 cities in 9 years). Point being: you might freak out for 4 months while your husband is in Canada studying, as the passport law changes–you will be worried that they will not let him back into the US.

Okay, but it’s not this hard for everyone. It’s also not this easy for everyone. My husband is very talented both artistically and in science, so once he got his first real job, things moved extremely quickly. He has friends who have had the same job for years but want out and can’t find anything.

Finally, he didn’t job search. I job searched. For years, I sent out 10-50 resumes a week, along with demos. Yes, this was very dysfunctional of me. Of course, my husband should have done his own job searching. However, as I mentioned in a prior post, his theory was you apply to ONE job and wait for the answer before applying to the next job. Guess how often companies like Dreamworks answer–NEVER. Unless they want you. That wasn’t the case. Fortunately, it was fine with him to “let” me take over and start sending out stuff like mad. And it worked very well with my job searching..um..hobby.

These things said, this was fuel for our marriage. It was very hard, but at the same time, we are both risk-takers and like setting goals. We are not afraid of tough times and can handle stuff. Now that things have been settled for a few years, life is pretty good. But this is NOT the road for everyone. We have seen a few divorces among friends already due to the work hours alone! Beware of demanding techie jobs…beware.

My husband’s working on the movie “Hancock.” This project is keeping him till the wee hours of morning every night, so I finally got really curious and checked out the trailer. (As you know, I get annoyed about many things my husband does, but NEVER his work hours. That happens when you start out being dirt poor and unemployed. I hope you don’t know exactly what I mean by that;) Here’s a photo from one of the scenes:

I LOVE the storyline–fallen superhero who has become a homeless alcoholic and tries to help people, but basically screws stuff up constantly. For example, he tries to rescue a beached whale, but throws it into the ocean, and it crashes into a boat. Here’s the trailer on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZQQgvhn4jg

Like most movies these days, this one seems way overdone to me. Also, as a mother, I’m not too fond of the joke with the child in the beginning of the trailer. See what you think.

Note for Blu-ray users: Amazon is having a 3-for-1 sale. Check it out here. You can get 3 Blu-rays for $40!

Oh my gosh. I just saw through the news that 22,000 more people are jobless. It’s so hard when the husband/live-in beau has no job. (But fun when I don’t have one…sorry if that sounds catty, but I have earned the right to say it. Also, I currently do have a job, actually 3 of them–but more on girls and jobs at another time.)

I remember well the days when my husband was applying for jobs, never getting them, and then failing when he finally did. [Update: he did finally succeed and now does very well in the movie industry—but who knows about tomorrow—don’t worry about us, thanks to my husband, we experienced poverty and could certainly overcome it again.]

Anyway, I thought I’d write a lil’ “How Not To” based on his early job experiences and, more often than not, unemployment. Guys: if your family is desperately in need of you getting a job, don’t do these things:

1. Do NOT find a job that does not pay sick days and take one day off each week because you “don’t feel good” or you “are sure the boss doesn’t mind.” (Note: especially do not do this if you are getting only $7 per hour. Your honey can probably accept a low salary, but not the weekly day off that makes the salary even lower, k?)
2. Do NOT apply for a job and feel that you need to “hear the results” before applying to the next job. Note that when you don’t get results soon, that usually means that the result is “no.” So waiting simply means you will be out of a job much, much longer than your wife or girlfriend can put up with you.
3. Do NOT show up to interviews 2 hours late. If you do, do not accidentally spill your Mountain Dew all over the receptionist’s desk while she stares at you like you are a freak.
4. Do NOT show up to a job, try to show them something you “know how to do” on the computer, and freeze their entire network. (Yes, my husband did this.)
5. Do NOT ask for $50,000 salary when the job is worth $30,000. In fact, for all of you newbie’s out there, PLEASE don’t ask for a salary—really. Tell them to give you a range, and pick the middle number. Or, if you’re super desperate, pick a lower number in the range—but not the bottom one.
6. Do NOT assume that, because “in your opinion” it’s better to wear casual clothes, the place where you have your interview will find that admirable. They will not. They will think you have been living in a cave because everyone knows you wear a suit to an interview. (Well, not in the movie industry–I have to give him this one.)
7. Do NOT say that you will wear a suit, but that a tie is “taking it too far.” A suit without a tie is like a car without wheels. Trust me—it will make you look dumb and will get you nowhere.
8. Don’t wear damn white socks to an interview. I can’t even get into this topic again without getting annoyed. Listen to your girlfriend on this one. Read GQ. Please tell me that you at least know what GQ is—if not, ask your girlfriend. (And be really thankful that you managed to get a girlfriend.)
9. DO look darn busy at home while you are unemployed. Try to be out of the house looking for jobs a lot. Do NOT be like my husband was–sleeping most of the time, sitting around the house, getting crumbs everwhere due to continous snacking (hey, he had nothing else to do), and be playing Nintendo when your lady gets home from work. Hey, fix freaking dinner sometimes please. You may not have a job, but your wife does, and it’s annoying to come home and cook for your butt when you’re sitting around cruising the Internet. Use your brain.
10. When you are offered your first job in a long time, DO take it. Don’t turn that crap down thinking you’re going to wait for something better–like my husband did. Take that job, then quit when you get the better one.
11. Oh, oops, did I start sounding bitter? My, my, well try being a teacher for 5 years (and going to graduate school) while your husband “learns 3D animation,” and doesn’t ever have a full-time job OR benefits, and you’ll understand:)
12. For anyone who is too sad to think this post is at all amusing, I am sure there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If my husband found it, BELIEVE me, anyone can.

I am sitting in a state of bewilderment. My husband accomplished two very difficult tasks this week. All by himself. And he did them quickly. More quickly than I was able to. This scares me, and I am not trying to be funny. It also kind of makes me envious of his “get it done” skills. I like to think of myself as the “get it done” expert, but I have been outdone.

First, despite the post describing his pathetic attempts at job searching (and even theorizing about it), HE FOUND A JOB. FAST. Granted, the job has its pro’s and con’s. It’s in another city, which adds a great deal of confusion about where we will need to move next (due to not being near other jobs he knows he will apply for soon)…But it’s a job. And quite a nice-paying one.

Then…Please take a seat…He found his own room to rent. This, after I, the Master apartment and/or room-finder Extraordinaire, failed to even get a single e-mail response, despite my ingeniously crafted e-mails that made my husband sound like the roomate everyone always dreamed of but couldn’t find…And he got it CHEAP. AND CLOSE TO HIS JOB.

Goodness. What the heck is happening here? I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Husband is growing up.

Thank goodness I work full-time (just from home). Thank goodness I make plenty of money to support our family during dry spells.

My husband’s contract expires in 2 weeks. He has applied for several new contracts (this is good). He wants to use a new software and is trying to get a contract that will involve it. He could snag a job in 2 days if he would just use the other softwares he knows. But oh noooo, he doesn’t want to “give in” and “accept just any contract.”

Um, hu? Give in? To an actual job offer? Interesting concept.

No honey, don’t you dare give in to a job offer. It really is much more important for you to use that software than to have a JOB. Hey, use the software at home if you want–just make sure that you don’t take a job unless you get to name the terms. No problem–we actually don’t really need things like food or an apartment–but you DO need to use this software, and not the other softwares you know.

That’s all. I need to go work now–somebody around here has to be willing to just “give in” and take the work we get. By the way, are all husbands this picky? Don’t most guys just take contracts if they are offered one?